Embracing life with chronic pain and illnesses.

Chronic pain and conditions have “plagued” me in some way or form since my preteen years. It has most greatly impacted me during the past 15 years.

My doctors and specialists have conducted all tests imaginable…blood work, MRIs, specialized tests, scans, X-rays, etc.

I have been blessed to have had a few ailments that contribute to my chronic pain: Sacroiliac Joint Disfunction, Sciatica, Gastritis and Rectal Prolapse. They are further complicated by the generic labels that I have been given because my case is atypical (not sure if muscle disfunction, nerve damage or genetic mutation): Pelvic Floor Syndrome, Spastic Colon, Fibromyalgia, Polyarthralgia, and Chronic Pain Disorder.

I provide this backdrop to show how powerful and important prayer has been to me.

🙏 It has been that Rock to cling to when pain is tumultuous…

🙏 That quiet calm in my inner being, as my body screams out in wracking pain…

🙏 The nights on the verge or quiet sobbing, when His peace transcends…

God is our refuge and strength! Reading the Psalms strengthens the urge to pray. We see King David as a great example of someone who prayed…during low points and high points of his life.

It is a 2-way conversation. Especially when we remember to pause during or after our humble thoughts have been expressed.

God provides answers through the Holy Spirit. It can be a quiet calming, a dream, a thought that comes to mind, an unexpected knock on the door.

In clinging to our Rock…Our Lord Jesus Christ…we can triumph and celebrate that constant pain as we turn our pain into a Gift we present to God for his glory.

I have found this technique the most powerful for me. I visualize physically clinging and then relaxing my body as best I can and reflect on giving over the pain (yes okay to speak in detail or general terms).

A Golden Hue


As I lie in bed

A soft glow comes from the ceiling

It resembled an oak tree near a building…

The building shimmered as the golden light

Glinted off the bronzed and gold accents

Ricochetting casting the light into the tree…

The leaves accented with this soft light

Every detail striking as if in full 3D

The branches a deep gold color…

The texture of the bark

The drizzle of light coming off the leaves

I find myself reaching up…just wanting to touch…

The image fades

My mind is left to reflect

The golden hues shared with me this morning….

Life Changes with Fibro

The most difficult challenge with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain Disorder, Neuralgia and the many other hidden conditions/illnesses that plague us, is the reality of how our lives change.

broken heart love sad
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As I have written in the past, we do go through a mourning process….just like when a loved one dies.  It was very helpful for me to review the 7 Steps of Grief…not that it makes it easier…it reinforced the fact that I was not “going crazy”.

I was SO unprepared for the realities that would come with my Fibro and other conditions.  My Faith, family, friends, and medical team have been lifelines as I have traveled along this narrow and twisted path.

  • Loss of Job — I could no longer physically or mentally function in a productive manner.  (I have learned to take advantage of those moments when the “brain fog” lifts ever so slightly.)
  • Pursuing Disability — This turned out to be very long, challenging, and stressful.  In my case with Fibromyalgia and Neuralgia (without a known cause), it took over 30 months.
  • Financial Implications — Such a long wait for Disability drained our reserves, and forced more dependence upon credit. Slowly and steadily we are turning the tide.
  • Divorce — The reality of the rift that had developed. My son and I are on our own. This transition to being a single parent has been rough.
  • Driving Assistance — I am so thankful for the friends I have who take joy in driving me to my injections when needed.  So glad that these tend to be about 3-4 month intervals!


My Pain Specialist keeps telling me “baby steps”.  I must focus on each day alone…allowing my body to set the pace.  Having a goal (i.e. 4 laps of the house) is good…yet must taper with where body actually is (i.e. 2 laps of house a day).

zcXeXAxgiRemember, each activity that is performed during the day…each one is exercise. These include getting dressed, fixing breakfast, cleaning dishes or just prepping them for dishwasher, feeding dogs, brushing teeth, washing face, shower (when enough strength), letting dogs out, walking lap of house, laundry (non shower days), heating lunch, prepping/making dinner…

Balanced with the necessary breaks — sitting in chair with ice, using ball for feet, laying on the couch, prayer time, reading, watching TV, computer time…

adult affection baby casual

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God placed the perfect image into my mind!  I was taking my first steps…true “baby steps”…my little hands grasping large, strong hands.  My steps erratic and unsure…just driven by instinct to push through.

“Baby steps” are just that! The small steps taken by toddlers not slow paced adult steps! This insight has provided such a sense of calm, as I am further reassured that Heavenly Father is with me, assisting with my chronic health battles.

I azcXeXAxgim no longer viewing my activity level and where I am currently based upon “normal” perspective.  I am not recovering from an injury.  I have permanent health conditions that severely impact my quality of life.

Viewing my situation with this “new normal” in mind has truly lightened my load!


A New Year

As 2019 is well underway, my son and I are now on our own. My husband could no longer handle being around me….as I am a shell of my former self.

This new reality took some time for us to adjust. Now we find ourselves with our own routine…including me joining my boy and the dogs in the Family Room to watch movies or watch him play a video game. The couch provides such a cozy place to relax!

My weight loss has stabilized thankfully! All of the stress wreaked havoc on my all ready weakened body. Fibromyalgia, Polyarthralgia, Spastic Colon, IBS, Sciatica, Sacroiliac Problems, Pelvic Floor Syndrome, and the list goes on. These have taught me to be a fighter!

I hold tight to my Faith, Family and Friends. Having such a great support group helps tremendously!

My focus is on my high schooler and watching him develop into such a terrific young man! I am anxious about the next couple of years as we submit applications to colleges and work with school counselor to apply for scholarships! I know he will qualify for financial aid, yeah!

What great new adventures await us in this New Year?!


As the snow deepens

The silence grows

As if time is standing still…

My mind is refreshed

As this quiet seeps to my core

Banishing all doubts and fears…

The clanging in my body

Fights the stillness found within

I close my eyes to return to the calm…

The falling snow builds

My mind again quiets

The screaming in my body subsides…

Such a blessing is granted

To reaffirm Faith that is tested

My soul is stirred…

Eerie Lights

The moon as a ball of light eerily peering through the heavy cloud and dark trees…

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