Embracing life with chronic pain and illnesses.

Archive for July, 2013

Strength Returning

I have made it two days in a row! Six hours each at the office….and today managed to get a lot done! Wow!! I even went to the store for a few groceries. Yes….I did feel the burning in my tummy. So am resting before preparing dinner.

It is just so exhilarating to feel that sense of accomplishment! To see strength returning…even though there is still more healing…..the balance of the swelling will eventually disappear.

I am tired……I know this week will challenge me. I am up for that!

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Accomplishment

One week of work under my belt! Yes….there were up and downs….body is definitely in control and on its own time schedule. My mind is feeling more relaxed…it has helped so much to have that interaction…..

This has proven a huge accomplishment for me! It has proven that I am on the road to recovery. It has provided an increased sense of confidence. Even though it has been wearing…..taxing….

It has also been a reality check…a glimpse into the near future as I continue to heal.

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Lighthouse at Newport OR

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Rough Day

This return to work is definitely harder this time. I know the discomfort I have is normal. It is to be expected when back in a dynamic office environment. I just pushed to much yesterday….all ready enough stress on the body with part days!

I also had to go to the store after work to get a few needed items. Thankfully I was smart enough to ask for assistance. So grateful that when asked a courtesy clerk will take all to the rig and load it. My hubby and son unloaded all for me. (If their hands were not so full they would have done the shopping.)

It is a constant up and down. From the earlier energized feeling of Monday and Tuesday…..to the worn and achy feeling of Thursday.

I am resting now. That has to be priority this afternoon. Find it hard to focus. Writing about the day helps. It helps me to refocus…to reflect and to regain patience in the healing process.

It would be awesome if there were a healing gel, ointment or lotion….something that would trigger rapid healing and return of full energy! LOL

It has been wonderful to see company employees….to speak with contacts directly on the office phone. It is humbling to see and hear all the thoughtful words of encouragement.

I am most often asked if I am ready to dance. At that question I can only smile and say that is a little ways off yet! Give me a few more weeks! (I know it will realistically be months. I just prefer to dangle that carrot close!)

There are times I wonder if I will truly get back to pre surgical strength and stamina. I just don’t dwell long there. I just know that I will recover and regain as much strength and stamina that I can. Enough to hunt and fish with my family. Enough to play outside with my son.

Listening

As I sit in my recliner, relaxing after 5 hours of work at the office (yes….worked an extra hour), I listen to the pounding of the hammer. My husband and son are outside working on the pheasant coop. Walls are going up…..the roosting area is taking shape.

I can close my eyes and visualize the process. Each board carefully measured….then assembled….raised into place for the addition of the siding.

I hear a smaller hammer. That is my son hammering the plastic stakes in the ground to help secure the fencing. The extra protection for the pheasants….to protect them from predators….

I listened to my body when it was saying “time to go”. Yes…that was at the 4 hour mark today. I listened. I negotiated! I quietly pleaded to complete one more small task….to complete the training I was in the midst of.

I just opened the door to hear the sound of the roaring ocean. I know that means the sea is rough! Although we are close….within 1 mile of the ocean (direct as the crow flies), we normally cannot hear it. When the sea is rough, we can open the door or window and listen…..listen to the roar of the waves crashing along the shoreline.

Windows open I can listen to the occasional car or truck that goes by. I can hear a neighbor’s dog barking. I can hear birds chirping….especially in the morning.

This long term battle with my health has taught me to listen. In a much more acute way than I can express…..only those that have endured….have battled for their health can truly understand.

What illness has taught me is the importance of being still….of listening. By being observant….by learning to hear every sound….those from outside and those within, we grow. We also learn how best to channel what we learn to those around us.

And the best part of listening? I can participate with the world….with my husband..my son….even if my body won’t allow me to be there physically. I am there in mind and spirit.

After my rest….I will go sit in the chair my son has carefully placed so that I can watch their progress while listening to the roar of the sea and the occasional car that goes by.

Before the curtain falls

Such true words! The special perspective that dealing with illness brings.

Returning To Work

This week was my return to full reality! I am working in the office part-time. Read that as 4 – 4 1/2 hours. Yesterday kicked my butt! Sorry to be so frank. I came home and had to take a nap! I was tired and slept long and hard last night.

Today I had to work in the PM. That was tough! The PM is tough. I made it though. I was very tired afterwards. I took advantage of Papa Murphy’s. Love the fact they will provide “cheese less” cheesy bread! (Have to be able to add our son’s goat cheese or soy cheese instead!)

Now I am just worn out! And this is only Tuesday!! I have the rest of the week to go. Thankfully I will be able to work mornings and then nap in the afternoon. My body is just not ready for anything more. I wish I could be on a faster track. That is not my path….I must take a slower trek.

Next week I am hoping for 6 hour days. We will see! I must carefully listen to my body. If I am this worn out still next week, I will have to slow my return. I will offset as best I can from home.

My mind is set. I am continuing to be positive. I am striving for more strength. Anticipating improvement day by day…albeit slow.

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