Embracing life with chronic pain.

Archive for October, 2013

For Mom’s

It is tough for us Mom’s……those of us that have dealt with health issues, multiple surgeries, chronic illness, or an unexpected illness.

I am so blown away! We as Mom’s fight so hard…for those around us and then for ourselves…..we are always taking care of our child(ren)…then taking care of our husbands….our families….our friends……always taking care of everyone else before even considering that we should take a few minutes to take care of ourselves….

Just remember…as difficult as it is….give yourself permission to take care of you! I think this is the hardest lesson that I have learned….

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WOW!

Went to our first parent teacher conference of the year. Found our son is doing very well. Teacher really enjoys him in class….this is the first year that he is really enjoying…..no comments of boredom…..

This is also the first year that I am feeling well…..first year going into the school year without a thought of surgery. No unknown hanging over our heads. I think this is playing in to such a great start to the year for our son.

To me this is amazing! This is a first! It also saddens me….as now I can begin to grasp how much my health struggle had impacted our son. As much as I tried to protect him…..to put on that “brave face”……the battle I was dealing with did have its impact on those around me…those closest and dearest.

Just know that as hard as we try to be a good example….to keep our “chins up”…..our kids pick up on the fact that we are struggling….that we are battling. However, know that they will be the first to lose themselves in childhood dreams…..to totally lose themselves in their sports/activities as soon as they sense that we are doing better! See!!! There is such a wonderful resiliency in our kids!

This is God’s blessing! We as parents strive so hard to protect our kids….to project an image of strength…..we strive to be their rock….their comfort…….

God then blesses our efforts! He magnifies it! He restores their lives to normal! A wonderful…carefree…childhood normal!

Life

We do not have control over the path that out lives might lead. This is an understatement to those that have endured health issues. The struggles….the frustrations…the pain…..the fight…..the battle…..not asked for…….

Yet…we are “blessed”. We have been given the unique challenge of dealing with health issues…..whether that means illness, longterm illness, surgery or multiple surgery incidents……

What I have learned……

I am NOT in control….I do not dictate my health…..my day-to-day activities are NOT in MY control.

Due to my unique circumstance, I know that my presence in this life is a Blessing…..it is a GIFT. (I experienced a life change event…….I know that God has blessed me with my current life…..I flat-lined……went through the “light tunnel”….YES!! It is real……I do not expect anyone to believe me….yet…I know that anyone who knows me will believe….)

Life is beautiful! We are given the opportunity to interact with each other through life….through our experiences. We are able to share our experiences when we interact with each other…..we are able to invoke…to build upon the experiences shared by those close to us.

Focus on the GIFT! The gift is LIFE……we are blessed to contact…to interact with a number of individuals. We do not control how that interaction will result…..yet….our hope…is that the interaction will result in those around us, somehow, comprehending that they are so special….that those around us are so important……that we are all connected….

I feel like I am babbling….am I connecting to anyone? I am not wanting to rant….I do not want to seem as someone that is just rambling…..

Just know…..our opportunity to enjoy time with our families…our friends…..is important. Each of us is given a sacred, blessed gift that only we…alone can give. It is up to each and every one of us to open ourselves….to allow ourselves to be a “gift” to those around us.

Hiking

Well…another weekend and out on Saturday! Hiking….climbing…..crawling over downed trees…..trudging up and down. My body is tired….legs definitely were burning at times!

Still surreal…..I am out with my guys……I am doing what I so love to do! Yes….my body is not in the best shape…….however, I am out there! It is so awesome! To really be able to push myself…to feel my muscles being challenged…..finally able to test my body….to work it.

I have struggled so much these past years…..now I truly feel poised to move ahead……to regain strength and agility. To walk, hike as much as possible……use my elliptical on off days….those evenings that are not filled with commitments.

These struggles parallel life. We struggle….we push….we feel frustrated…..we persevere.

Our health struggles grant us a better appreciation for those around us….for our loved ones…our friends….for the blessings that are presented in a “normal” day.

For now….it is still like a dream……I can feel the tiredness….feel the sore muscles in my body……yet, I am amazed…..it is me….it is really me…..I am experiencing what I had hoped for….that my body would really allow me to return to “normal”!

Other Thoughts

Life is unpredictable. We do not know what type of a hand we will be dealt. Sometimes we are dealt a hand that we would not choose….yet, once dealt we fully embrace….seeing the benefits….the opportunities that are provided.

Yes….I am thinking of my colostomy again. My husband after a talk tonight commented “I would not have wanted you to have to have one.”

I understand…..yet….at times I wish I could have started the process earlier! The extreme case…..my unique, extreme case of a completely unknown problem with my colorectal area…..specifically my rectum….ahhhh! Hindsight! LOL

As my specialist said, my problem was unique….there is no diagnosis for it! It was just lumped under “pelvic floor symptom”…….I just hope that my experience….what my specialist has logged….is able to help to further knowledge of these cases. My specialist hopes that in the near future a better diagnosis can be found for those like me……that the problem might be found earlier with some hope of treatment.

Maybe….6 – 8 years ago…..some type of treatment or pain management might have helped…..but who knows? Maybe my unique situation is one that would not improve….that the steps I have gone through are the best….are what has to happen in order to regain a “normal life”.

I am thankful…..thankful for my life….for my husband….my son…my family and friends! Maybe God has blessed my with “blinders”….I am just thankful for where I am……I consider myself “too blessed”……I could not even entertain the thought of being ungrateful for what I have.

Ostomy Impact on Lifestyle

I was once again confronted with negativity with regards to an Ostomy today. Again, I find myself perplexed.

I was out opening day….have been out hunting on the weekends with my husband son…..I am hiking….climbing hills….climbing over downed trees….crawling through brush…..ALL with an Ostomy! I see no restrictions! I am so thrilled with having sore muscles! Sore muscles from being out of shape! LOL

As my doctors have said….I have no limits! Just go as I can….work out….and just push ahead….I was told by my Colorectal specialist that “the more exercise the better”….as my body can tolerate…building up that tolerance!

I am totally on board! The proof was this last Saturday! With all the climbing……hiking up steep hillsides….clambering over trees…..and pushing through the thick brush…..WOW! I just can’t explain the excitement…the joy I feel inside….knowing that I am taking back my life!

I don’t even think about my Ostomy anymore. It is just there….it does not interfere with anything that I want to do. My new appliance style allows a much more complete range of motion…..I can lift my left leg as high as my right leg….this was proven last weekend. No leaks….no issues!

The only so-called “negative” was my tummy protruding at the end of the day. Even though I wore a support top….my body was just tired….worn out……by the next morning all was picture perfect! With more exercise…..with more muscle strengthening……I will be top of my game.

Again….I must say, that I am SO thankful for MY Ostomy…..my colostomy has GIVEN me my life back!

Image

Ferns

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I had to take this pic to post!

I wanted to share this piece of our great outdoors with a special friend, Belinda…..to also share with others who are fighting the battle with illness!

Close your eyes…….and hear the birds and the slight rustling of the trees in the breeze……

May you find some rest and comfort and know you are not alone in your battle!

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