I know that I am too early in my diagnosis to really describe true discouragement, however, my long term battle with many chronic conditions and long term relationship with pain has provided a backdrop…..from having gone from the peak where it was hoped that the last battle had been fought and won! To the reality of another….only this time….permanent, long term chronic condition.
The hope for the medication balance hit a road block yesterday! Thus the title of tonight’s writing! I was really excited to work up to the dosage my doctor was wanting me to get to. My body though had other plans! Due to the fact that I have had such extreme abnormalities with my digestive tract (specifically my intestines), I have been paying attention to my body being alert to the rare side effects of the Gabapentin (the better known constipation and the lesser interaction with the intestinal muscles causing them to further slow down). My system has had the problem of slow muscles…..muscles not working properly in the first place! So even though I was dealing with a low dose….as soon as I was tring 200 mg at night followed by 200 mg in the morning……my system slowed dramatically!
The use of Milk of Magnesia was not even working! I had to actually take a full dose (which I never need to do) after taking my usual amount each day! Needless to say…..I was not feeling well due to the bloating….and finally all the movement afterward……not to mention all of the symptoms I was dealing with all ready due to Fibromyalgia and Polyarthralgia!
Today, I was beyond exhausted! My body was heavy, body ached from head to toe…..burning all over. You know too well!
I am cutting the Gabapentin back and will be advising my doctor. I know that it will be months yet for my body to settle. I understand that I will have to further cut back activities while working the shortened workdays. I am learning to enjoy my naps and to relax.
The “discouragement” is easily offset by the antics of our son……of having the opportunity to help him with homework or to just sit next to him while he works through the assignments.
It is a struggle as anyone dealing with long term conditions knows. We are not only battling our own bodies……we are fighting to keep our sense of self……as we navigate a new and sometimes scary path!
Thankfully, I am also learning to better seek help and strength from those around me. Hard lesson yes! Totally worth it though! It helps all of us!
Now time for bed…..time to sleep and hope for a slight reprieve. If not? I will have the best distraction tomorrow….as our son enjoys an early birthday sleep over party tomorrow!
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