This is one of those days that I must shout……must express the torrent of thoughts racing through my mind!
I must be honest. I am struggling right now! I do my best to project a positive, happy front; however, it is getting harder. All the challenges that have been sent to me…….now this combination is really wearing on me mentally. When I have been at this point in the past, there was a surgical option! Now with Fibromyalgia and Polyarthralgia, that is not the case.
Again…..I am with the many others that are trapped in this “unknown”. The degrees to which each of us is afflicted varies. As with my other conditions…….it appears, that I am again a magnet for another very, nasty battle!
Yes….I pray….every day. I have even asked God to take this away! LOL However, I know that like everything else…there is a reason. We are taught from early on in Sunday School, that God will not test us beyond what we can bear. We are also taught that what does not defeat us makes us stronger.
It then only makes sense that those of us struggling with these chronic illnesses…..these chronic conditions…..should consider ourselves “super” strong! Yet….I know that I would be the first to say…..I am anything BUT strong.
The chronic conditions coursing through my body control my every action…..control and dictate whether I can even have the energy to play a simple board game with our son…..or stay alert enough to watch a movie at home with my guys!
Maybe I am looking at this all wrong……maybe we are not meant to understand why we are chosen to receive these challenges. Maybe it is just to provide us as examples to others…..examples to show the importance to pray…..to demonstrate asking others for help…..to show humility by relying more heavily upon others who might not otherwise step forward….
Dealing with the pain…..the aching….the muscle spasms…..the burning….the extreme sensistivity to all that touches my skin……the overwhelming sensations and headaches……these are leading me to almost feeling like I am losing my mind!
I know all this is real….even if I appear “just fine” when I look in the mirror. I look forward to seeing my doctor on Tuesday…..to revisit my options. Time to see if there is a different combination of medications that I can try.
And…yes….I will keep putting one step in front of another….I know that “this too shall pass”…..I will awake in the future to find that my symptoms are better under control. However….until then……I struggle……