I would SO love to take my sister for a ride in my RAZR to show her this awesome area! I want to share this with her IN PERSON! Yet…that is NOT possible!
I know that she is seeing all of this…through my eyes….and as she is watching from above…..
Yet….IT is NOT the same….it is not the same as having her physically present…sitting next to me….laughing and enjoying all the beauty around!
I am just SO thankful to have this opportunity with my husband and son! I have tools (like my RAZR) that allow me to go out and about with them! It is the closest to “normal” that I can have right now! It is my way to get out into the mountains and to share such wonderful moments! The opportunity to watch mule deer….to watch moose….to see other wildlife prints in the snow….
It is that wonderful opportunity to lose oneself in what is going on around! That chance to forget about the pain coursing throughout the body……to forget that all doctors and specialists have no answers…..that sharing time and giving of what energy I have to my husband and son….
THAT is what is so important!!!!
In dealing with….working through the death of someone SO special….SO priceless…..my dear, Baby Sis!!!! I have been dealing with my chronic pain for SO much longer! My Sis offered SO much strength to me over the years as I have dealt with health issue after issue after issue……
My Sis is not here physically to speak to….to interact with….to hug……
She does hear when I speak to her…and I know that she is watching to see how I deal with this latest health challenge. I am on the path she wanted….we have relocated, and I am focusing on my health.
I have again stumped the medical community….specialists have told me that I am “beyond their scope of expertise”……no one has answers…….
I now await my opportunity to go to the University of Utah…..there I hope to provide a challenge that will provide answers or assistance to others!!!! These obstacles that have been thrown in my direction are for a reason! I know that my Sis would want me to continue to make the most of it and to try to help others! To prevent someone else from going through all that have experienced.
It is difficult to express how hard it is to deal with the intense, chronic pain issues I live with day to day….let alone….deal with the time that I need to grieve….to work through the loss of my Baby Sis.
All the while, I am trying to be the best wife and mother possible.