I have made a huge effort today to just relax. I have taken two naps…..been relaxing in my chair under a soft blanket. Enjoying the view outside the front window….complete with a light coat of snow on the mountain.
It is SO hard to just relax….to allow oneself the time that the body so desperately needs! The mind races to all those things that could be done……
Yes….you read that right…..”could” be done! Notice? I have shifted my mindset (HUGE step)!!!
For those of us living with chronic pain and/or illness…..this shift of mindset might seem subtle…yet it IS not…it is HUGE step in our embracing of our condition. We are not giving in….we are not surrendering to the pain and/or illness. We are actually empowering ourselves by taking better control of our time.
Before Fibromyalgia/Polyarthralgia/Chronic Pain Disorder, I would continue to push myself (even though I was dealing with the horrific pain from my spastic sphincter and spastic colon). I would force myself to keep putting one foot in front of another…..keep at it until I could not move and would lie in bed unable to sleep.
Now I know there is no way to “push” through…..there is only “embrace”….”accept” my body and situation that I have been dealt. The more I try to do…the worse my body is…..the more intense my symptoms become……
So now I understand the difference…….those things that “should” be done (like taking a shower or preparing a meal — when energy allows)….vs. those things that “could” be done (like the photo album I want to put together of my Sis and I when I visited her in Baltimore)……
The “could” will be accomplished! As I can…..I will apply energy to get them done…..I am not pressured to meet any type of time table. If all I can do is think of this project, I smile and know that is progress! After all, I remembered that I have this in the drawer and that I want to get it done!
The gift to myself is that I am not pressuring myself to get it done. In that, I know that I will complete this task….even if it is six months from now. No stress….no frustration……
Just the understanding that I cannot address my day to day like those around me. I must dictate my every moment by how my body is feeling…..to allow my ability (or inability) to walk (or rather attempt to walk)….to conserve my energy for those most important part of the day (when my son gets home)….so that I can sit with him as he does his homework.
To not look back on the day…..thinking….man…I “did nothing”….to saying “I gave my body the time it needed”…..
Do not feel bad….do not feel that you have had to “give up” something…..if you had to relax due to your condition. Being gentle to yourself….listening to your body’s needs….is a BIG step!
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