There is no end to the overwhelming pain
Coursing through the body….
Every cell seems to be revolting
There is no sense to the chaos within.
Medicine has no answers
No true understanding as to why
No knowledge of the cause
Many that still do not believe in our Hidden Illness.
Outward appearances defy our reality
Our bodies hide the truth
Inside we feel the sharp stabs of the dagger
The ice picks that pierce
The incessant fire that burns
The throbbing head
The overwhelming fatigue
The loss of words…..of being able express oneself
The loss of independence
Having to watch your child(ren) through the window
Struggling to prepare a simple meal
Hands and fingers crippled with pain
The slow methodic walk down the hallway
Each wall has become a walking aid
Creepy crawlies under the skin
Living in a daze….like a thick veil covering our eyes
The sense of loss
The grief of losing yesterday
Today and tomorrow forever changed
Each day presents itself differently
Never knowing the type or intensity of the onslaught…
This is my reality
My body has become my prison.
Comments on: "The Body As Prison" (9)
I almost thought you were writing this about me…………….I, once, wrote a post on my blog, stating that I am a prisoner and my body is my soul and was wondering if anyone else knew what it was like to live life on death row. That is exactly what it feels like. All alone. No answers. Pain……………an on and on……………….Invisible illness is horrible. There have been times when I told my doctor to just give me a diagnosis, call it anything……….cancer…………….whatever………….at least I could be treated. I do have a lot of diagnosed invisible illnesses, but no one knows what to do for me, how to treat me. I’m always told that I’m a complicated, complex, and unique patient! Great! That is them telling me, again, that my illnesses are all REAL, they just don’t know what to do with me, how to treat me, how to make me comfortable, how to control the pain…………on and on……………………….It sucks and it’s a very lonely place to be……….Luckily, here at WP, I’ve become friends with a whole lot of other souls who know exactly what we deal with. Although, bittersweet, it’s comforting to know you are not some kind of freak and that you are not alone, and that there are people out there that do understand…………I wish for you a happy and healthy New Year! Please hang on…………………..it’s not easy……………….sigh………………………….It’s easy to want to give up when having to live life this way, every single day! Never a break from the pain and frustration. I’m here, if you ever need someone that truly understands, to talk to, I’m here. I’m a good listener and I never judge. I get it. I’m so sorry that this is your reality, too…………………HUGS 🙂
You sound exactly like me! I have been told that I am unique. No one knows what to do!! Thank you!!!’
What part of the country do you live in?
That second line was supposed to say that my body is my prison cell, not soul. I guess that’s where proofreading comes in handy.
Are you in the U.S.? I’m in the midwest. Where might you be located? Wouldn’t that be awesome if we were neighbors???? 🙂
In SE Idaho!
Kansas. Not exactly neighbors, but we are in the same country. Any time you want to talk, I’ll be here. I’ll look forward to talking with you some more. Every now and then, I go on a little hiatus and I’m missing in action, but I always come back. It’s usually because I’m very sick, in the hospital or whatever else there is to have or be, in my/your condition. 🙂
Same here! I am awaiting my chance to go to University of Utah for medical review. My system is so sensitive! I cannot have the meds doctors would like me to take. Hang in there! Hugs to you!!
I wish you the best of luck with that. I’ve been to The Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. It was a big joke and a waste of my time and money I didn’t have to start with. It was an 8 hour drive, one way, and we had to stay in a hotel for 6 nights. I was so excited, thinking Mayo would figure me out. NOT. Big let down. Doesn’t mean your’s will be that way. I hope you get some much needed answers. That must be awful not being able to take the meds your doctor’s would like you to take, thinking they might just help you. I can’t wait to hear all about your medical review. I sure hope they can do something, to at least make you more comfortable, if nothing else. Hope to be talking to you, again, soon. Take care. Peace out. xx 🙂