Embracing life with chronic pain and illnesses.

Living With Pain

My thoughts are not focused
Scattered as if by the wind.
The pain that is overwhelming
Will give no relief.
Sleep is but a wish
A distant dream.
The lack of precious sleep
Magnifies the intensity.
Guaranteed to embrace the
Spasms, throbbing, aching, burning.

I do not understand the reason
Yet I truly feel no need to question.
I choose to trust
In God, The Father.
I choose to believe
That I will somehow give strength to others.
I choose to continue to dream
Of a life yet to be that has less pain.

I struggle with my grief
As I see the pain in the eyes of those close.
My husband and son, family and friends
Must watch…as if on the sidelines.
I smile and put on my best front
Not wanting to see the fear and concern in their eyes.
It is through displaying strength
That I hope their fears will be lessened.

The loss of my Baby Sis
Has cast a shadow.
Yet the bright blue in her eyes
The intense joy of her smile.
Closing my eyes to hear her voice
Remembering her laugh.
I speak to her daily
Knowing she hears and understands.
Her gentle touch via the breeze
Or the warmth of the sun.
Reminds me that this I do not understand
Yet again, I know that God Our Father has a plan.

These words are not written as shallow
Without feeling….without the huge sense of loss.
I am living through the immensity of both
My bodily/ability loss and that of my CareBear.
I find strength in her perseverance
In her zestful taste of life.
I embrace my husband and son
Relishing in their laughter and enthusiasm.
I so appreciate my family and dear friends
The sound of their voices, words by email/text.

For now this reality of constant pain
Living with these overwhelming sensations.
Day upon day upon day
Is truly my cross to bear.
Some day I will look back on this time
I hope with just a touch of understanding.
In hopes that somehow, somewhere
I was able to touch someone’s life
Just as my Dear Sister.

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