My body fights sleep
Last night it came to me.
After a day of a heavy heart
Feeling weighted down as if by sand.
I feel the grief, the tears within
Yet I fight their release.
Last night it came to me
The heavy grief of loss.
Feeling the absence of my Sis
So very strongly this past day.
Yet not only yesterday
Each and every day, just as in life.
I battle on so many fronts
That tears may well yet not fall.
I know the release
Might help for the moment.
I am struggling to adapt
To embrace this altered path.
Rather to embrace the memories
Intertwine them with the present
Forever to remain a part
An integral piece of living now.
As she once first entered our lives
She will never be absent from us.
My struggle with health
Adapting to live with permanent conditions
That dictate each and every day.
I find freedom only in the brief time of sleep
Those few precious hours
When left to dream
To escape briefly from reality.
These brief respites
Renew strength to fight again
To challenge and accept the struggles of the day
To thank my Sis for her sweet presence
For the love, the friendship, the care she shows.
To push forward knowing that
I honor her in my fight to regain some semblance of my former self.
I awake each day
To embrace the symptoms coursing through my body
Overwhelming me with so many sensations
Throbbing, pulsing, stabbing, burning, itching
My thoughts usually scattered
Words not grasped.
My heart goes out to all
I know this road is traveled by many.
Grief is individual
Each tasked to work through
To weave the thread provided
To incorporate our Beloved into our now
To preserve her memory
To cherish her for our lifetime.
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