Embracing life with chronic pain.

Spoons? What Spoons!?!?!

IMG_5138We are always hearing about “spoons”…”marbles”…”pennies”….  Whatever the imagery used, it is to represent the same meaning…..available energy.

With that said…I know that I am not the only one that just gets tired of having such a limited supply of “spoons”!!!  I am tired of the way it negatively impacts life….the additional stress that it brings to all members of the family….the restrictions and limitations….

So…I did what everyone with a chronic condition/illness should NOT due!

As written in a prior blog…I went out shooting with my husband….the next day was our son’s birthday.  We did keep things low key….my primary duties were baking his birthday brownie and making Macaroni and Cheese (from scratch….with his special cheese and soy milk)…all while my body was completely out of sync…more so than normal because of the extra activities of the day before!

The day after his birthday was the big celebration!  We purchased tickets to the National Monster Truck Competition in our area…..which included VIP Pit Passes….it was so awesome seeing the excitement and enthusiasm of our young man as he walked from truck to truck….having pictures taken with drivers and wishing them good luck in the evening’s competition!

We were able to sit in the handicapped area so I could remain in my wheelchair with my hubby and son behind me in the companion seating….even with ear plugs my senses were overwhelmed….the lighting…the sound made me very dizzy.  I was fidgety of course because of my increased symptoms….distracted by the huge trucks and our son’s enthusiasm!

I was definitely operating on a zero spoon count….and the night was much longer than we had anticipated…..

Needless to say…I was so exhausted….and that coupled with the stabbing, searing and burning pains….I was unable to rest well….only getting a couple of hours of sleep.

This morning brought what I anticipated….a body completely out of control…..truly negative spoons at my disposal!  Pain, stabbing, aching, exhaustion…..yet a smile on my face from the great time our son had last night!

Then my hubby asked about going out to shoot our 22s…..to just spend a short time outdoors….I agreed…so we all went….thus even more negative spoons added to my count!!!

Now I can barely move…..I know the intensity of the pain and other symptoms will continue well into tomorrow….and probably the next day….

Do I regret my actions?  Not at all!  The precious time spent with my hubby and son….being able to participate (even in a very limited way) in our son’s birthday weekend celebration…..will bring a smile to my face for many days to come!

I have come to realize that there are times that we just have to throw out our understanding of how many spoons we have to spend……and focus on our loved ones who desperately need some “normalcy”…..need some type of participation in their lives…..reinforcing our connections…

Believe me….this is by no means the way to live each and every day!  It is just taking the time to open myself to knowingly cause my symptoms to flare….to increase in their intensity….in order to share some special moments….memories….that will last a lifetime.

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