As we are quickly approaching the first anniversary of my sister’s death, the words kindly spoken to me by a gentleman that also lost his youngest sibling are bringing an entire new set of emotions and thoughts. He also is the oldest, and he made a simple statement….it is hard on everyone when we lose a brother/sister, however, as the oldest it will hit you the hardest.
I thanked him and took his words to heart…not fully comprehending….knowing that my brothers were and are struggling their way through this as well. I have read books and researched….my brothers and I have shared information….each understanding that our paths of grief are similar yet different.
The past few nights have brought strange dreams….dreams that take me back to the initial reaction and emotions upon first hearing of my baby sister’s death….that overwhelming feeling that I was supposed to be her protector….quickly followed by the need to go to the hospital to see her boyfriend…to support him…and to see her knowing that I needed to give her hugs and kisses (even though that would be seeing her in the morgue)…then to do everything I could to support and help our parents and my brothers, their wives and our niece…as well as our son…
I find myself again feeling that I must rise to protect my family….her boyfriend…her closest friends….to somehow channel their grief….I can feel it beginning to rise….the rapid approach of May is surely the cause…
I am beginning to comprehend that comment more…it is hard on everyone when we lose a brother/sister, however, as the oldest it will hit you the hardest….as the oldest I want to protect everyone! I don’t want to see anyone hurting and struggling….even though each of us must go through this journey…..
My prayer is that each of us will continue to find strength in each other…in our Faith…and in knowing that our precious Carrie is watching and praying for us all….each in a unique way….as only SHE can….
(Yes…borrowed from a post from one her very close friends!!)