Embracing life with chronic pain.

Archive for September, 2016

Decisions

Having diagnoses of Fibromyalgia, Polyarthralgia, Chronic Pain Disorder, IBS-D, Pelvic Floor Syndrome and probably undiagnosed Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Restless Leg Syndrome, pose daily conscious decisions.

I must consider what may be happening on any given day to determine if I should expend the energy to take a shower…or to simply wet my hair in order to save the energy for a ride to town with my hubby and son.

The feeling of my skin dictates what I am able to wear. After all, wearing a long sleeve shirt vs. a short sleeve with loose sweater/sweatshirt, will either further irritate my overly sensitive chest area and/or increase the stabbing and burning in my arms.

The idea of shoes that have to be tied are, for the most part, out of the question.  I must choose slip on sandals or boots. The combination of having to use my fingers to tie and the effort/energy to put on tennis shoes is too much!

There are many other decisions that we must make each and every day in order to manage our symptoms. (Believe me, I am using the word “manage” VERY loosely!)

The even harder decisions are those that we make with our health care provider(s).  Deciding what type or combinations of medications we will use to try to reign in symptoms. We also must continue to monitor how these medications are doing. We must speak up and talk with our health care provider(s) when we need to increase dosages or to let them know that something is not working for us.  We also have to discuss new symptoms and the changes in current symptoms.

With all this “thinking” we are also dealing with the brain fog that disorients us…makes remembering simple things, like brushing our teeth, to important things like taking our medication(s) a challenge on its own!

We must rely upon whatever “tool or tools” work best for each of us.  Some find sticky notes helpful, some use lists….for me, I have a great Fibro App on my phone that tracks my meds, sleep patterns, symptoms…..and I also use a Note App to jot down questions for my doctor.

I also truly appreciate the fact that my hubby does his best to schedule work around my doctor appointments. He asks the questions that I forget…he interjects and comments on his view of the medications…so helpful to me and to my health care providers.

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Overcoming Frustration

Chronic illness…pain…conditions

Are often tied to frustration.

Slowly or suddenly

Life is changed.

The smallest of tasks

Becomes a massive mountain.

Obstacles are magnified

As we struggle for relief.

Our illness…pain…conditions

Are not understood by medicine.

Some conditions have

More solutions or rather resources than others.

We struggle with doctors

With specialists that do not believe.

Some of us educate them

Truly proving that these conditions exist.

We fight frustration

As we try medications….treatments.

Each of our bodies

React and exhibit symptoms differently.

The vast spectrum

Blurs and confuses.

Commercials bombard loved ones

Convincing them of “miracle drugs”.

Yet we have strength

We have others like ourselves.

As we join and share

We speak to ease our frustration.

We can overcome the negative

Even while trapped.

Trapped within a body

We no longer understand.

The Pangs Within

Arms that are throbbing

Stabbing to the fingertips

Sensations coursing through

Overwhelming the muddled mind…

 

Thoughts escaping

Racing to distant places

Thick and fuzzy

As if with a heavy veil…

 

The pain is everywhere

It travels under the skin

It is manifest in every cell

There is no escape…

 

Numbness and burning

Lightheaded and unsure on foot

Each sound penetrates like a knife

The brightness of the light is piercing…

 

From deep within lies strength

A power gifted from above

To endure and to stand tall

To remain steadfast and unshaken…

 

The sensations coursing

Reeling with unsteady gait

My mind again lost

Coherent thought is not allowed…

 

 

Outward appearance shows nothing

The only hint a slight grimace

Hidden from view

As war is waged within…

 

Change is in the Air

The colored sky hints

The chill in the air confirmsimg_6775

Change is in the air…

The graceful leaves

Dancing to the ground

Change is in the air…

The vibrancy of colors

Overtaking the green

Change is in the air…

Summer is giving way

To the golden hues of Autumn

Change is in the air…

Out of the Blue

It strikes without cause

No trigger is known

Yet the tears fall…

The feeling of emptiness 

Of inconsolable loss

No reason…no rhyme…

Overwhelming feelings

Yearnings…missing you…

Desperately trying to fathom

Why this now? 

So random…unable to control

The tears flow…

Is this part of healing?

Of surviving in a world

Void of your physical presence?

The need to hear your voice

To feel your embrace

To hear your laugh…

This path of sorrow

Is steep and treacherous

Wrought with falling rocks

And deep holes…

Navigating is not easy

A challenge for sure

With sorrowful eyes

Prayers raised to Heaven

Seeking comfort

And guidance…

Into The Waters…

Just as our Lord Jesus Christ

Went to John the Baptist

To fulfill his covenant…john-baptizes-christ-39544-gallery

Demonstrating the importance

Of obedience to Heavenly Father

By being baptized in the river Jordan…

We are each called

To follow His example

To seek forgiveness

And humble ourselves

To be submerged in the water…

This powerful step

Of allowing ourselves to be lowered into the water

To represent the casting off

Of our old self…

To then be raised out of the water

A new person

Free from our sins…

With the full knowledge

Of the sacred covenant

To follow in Christ’s steps…

To embrace a life of serving others

To seek guidance from the scriptures

To allow the Holy Spirit to manifest within us…

The power of the image above

A potent reminder

To each of us of that blessed day…

The day that we

Chose to submit

To become a follower of Jesus Christ…

The day we were forever changed

With spiritual eyes opened

With hunger to learn and to live as Jesus did…

The overwhelming joy

The unexplainable peace

No words can describe…

Blessings…

Blessings can abound

Even in the moIMG_6486st barren of spaces…

The intensity of a flare

Length of which is unknown…

Yet finally gives way

Returning you to your path…

Discouragement is easy

Given the hurdles thrust our way…

Our constant companion

Pain wants to be in the forefront…

Often we feel embattled

Emotions ready to boil…

Just as a geyser

Builds up to explode…

Allow a tear or more

To flow…to cleanse…

Allow yourself to smile

When your body is screaming in pain…

Allow yourself to enjoy

The infectious laughter of a child…

Open a window

To breath the fresh air…

Close your eyes

Ponder the positive…

The blessings around us

Take so many forms…

From the visit of a friend

To spend a few minutes…

The unexpected phone call

From someone you hold dear…

The ever gentle

Kiss from your loved one…

Your loyal canine

Who curls up next to you…

Pain though still present

Fades to the background…

 

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