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Archive for October, 2016

The Shades of Fall

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As the leaves are stripped

By the power of the wind,

So is my strength.

The once green grass

Now stark and desolate,

So is my health.

The deep red and oranges

Harken the coming of winter,

So do the deep body aches.

The beauty of these changes

The depth of colors,

So speak to the soul.

The crispness felt in the air

The scent of rain carried by the breeze,

So our understanding.

The trees, bushes and grasses

Into a deep slumber succumb,

So our conditions hide.

Life is preparing

For the darkness of winter,

So we endure a plethora of symptoms.

There is a quiet beauty

As the colors and leaves give way,

So is our determination.

 

Answers to Prayer

Chronic pain has been a “gift”

Of Heavenly Father above.

How so can you ask?

I can feel your disbelief.

This knowledge did not

Show itself overnight.

A long and winding path,

With falls and steep climbs

Crossing through unknown terrain,

Forced to cry out…to ask for help.

God has used my brokenness

To show his strength and power,

To show his mercy and peace…

He has blessed me with visitors

At times I’ve been low.

He has delivered a text

Of comfort from a dear friend.

He has provided a quiet voice

Whispering scriptures to my mind,

“I can do all things

Through Christ which strengtheneth me.”*

Through the stillness

Of being homebound,

He has demonstrated

His answers to prayers.

Chronic pain at first glance

Appears to have taken all.

Yet, in reality,

A new world has been opened.

The stillness and quiet

Provide time for prayer

To read scriptures

When eyes can focus.

Silent words spoken

Throughout the day.

I am being taught

To listen to His voice,

To treasure a knock at the door,

To share my journey,

To accept my “new” self.

 

*Philippians 4:13 KJV

The “Gift” of Pain Medication

I learned a valuable lesson today when I went to see my Pain Specialist.

I spoke with him about how I could barely stretch my new pain medication to seven hours…even though I was to be taking one every eight hours. I was open and frank…that by the seventh hour my body would be completely acting up…

It was truly hard to speak up like this…I like so many of us dealing with chronic health illnesses/conditions…I really did not want to be “captive” to a pain medication.  However, I felt SO liberated in speaking so frankly with my specialist!

We adjusted my pain med to one tablet every six hours to maintain a higher level of the medication in my system.  As we were discussing the adjustment, it really hit me…Pain Medication is a TOOL!  It is a very valuable tool for those of us living with extreme chronic pain…day in and day out.

I am SO thankful for a pain specialist that understands and supports me!  I am thankful for the time and effort…the research he has put in to find a pain medication that my system would better tolerate.

I know that I am not “giving” in…I am doing something positive…something that allows me to have a better sleeping pattern (3-4 hour solid chunks)…to be able to perform my gentle stretching daily…

I am learning that by taking advantage of this “tool” that I can better set up a routine…including scheduled naps during the day…interspersed with gentle stretching. Such a milestone!

Work

Here is an interesting question….is “work” a four letter word?  LOL

I can hear so many different responses in my mind…both positive and negative.

My sister and I always blamed our Dad for our work ethic…the fact that we only knew how to give 110 percent or more…every day…that we gave no heed to confining our work day to the typical 8 hours.

We were very proud of learning this vital lesson from our Dad…and, I am sure our brothers would attest to the same.

Having been forced out of the workplace due to my Fibromyalgia/Polyarthralgia/Chronic Pain Disorder/etc., I can now see how that same “ethic” flows into every aspect of my life.  It was also the hardest part of me to learn how to “control”.

My conditions have forced me to no longer approach life like I used to…yes…no longer approaching life “full throttle”!

To go from “full throttle” to barely charged was a HUGE shift in paradigm.  Anyone with chronic health illness(es)/condition(s) and those close to them know this all too well.  It is a major transformation that can, and should, be thought of as a “death” of one’s old self.

There is a grieving period that we go through, while trying to take in all the other changes…EVERY single aspect of our life has been changed.  And, this change typically does not come on gradually, but is like a massive explosion…

I am thankful for all those years that I was able to work…for the friendships that were made during that time.

If you are able to work, I hope that you can take a step back and appreciate it!  Remember that by working, you are providing not only an income stream for yourself and your family… you are building relationships with coworkers, clients, customers, managers, sales reps, etc.

Waves of Depression 

It is inevitable as we struggle along,

The path of pain is long and coursing.

We are often tossed to and fro

The massive waves of depression 

Ever threatening to overtake and drown.

Understand that this is normal,

It does not make us bad,

Nor does it have to overcome us.

Our Heavenly Father is a beacon

The light to which we focus.

Just as darkness can threaten

The glimmer even as a soft flame

Ignites our inner strength and hope.

Others are sent to intersect

To offer friendship and consolation

Yet another sign to show we are not alone.

To take in every sight and sound,

To breath in the scent of rain on the wind,

To embrace every opportunity given,

To offer assistance to others

Never paying heed to our feebleness.

The waves will come, again and again,

Without warning…completely unexpected.

Turn your eyes to the light,

Do not worry about how weak,

The brightness grows as you focus

While being cast about.

Chronic Pain

There are many lessons learned

Along the path of pain.

We embrace a new day

The person we were exists no more.

We need not fear

For we are not alone.

We appreciate more deeply

The slight reduction of a head ache.

Our heart leaps with joy

To go for a ride in the car.

Tears well up inside

At the random acts of kindness.

The intensity will vary

New symptoms will appear.

We are stronger

Than we give ourselves credit.

Fuzzy Thoughts

I now welcome brain fog

Rather than fighting it

Or seeing it as negative

It is an opportunity,

A chance to relax

To go easy on myself.

It is a time to embrace

The wandering thoughts

That go to and fro

With no apparent direction.

A torrent of images

Flashing and racing…

This is now a part of me

The severity comes and go

No pattern to the trigger

Just the randomness

Like a child

Easily distracted

Colors, shapes and sounds

Simple touch, the breeze

Frustration no more.

Embrace the images

The forgotten conversations

An opportunity to take a deep breath

Less pressure to achieve

Rather simplify my daily goal.

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