Our son was given an assignment in English this week. His teacher asked that the class “brain storm” and then write a story…a true story…about something that taught them some type of a moral lesson. It was to have conflict, climax, etc.
He was very frustrated with this assignment. “Mom…my life is flat….other classmates came up with ideas right away…”
I started mentioning ideas…hoping to spark his creative interest…
“What about our move?”
“No!” he said emphatically. Tears welling in his eyes.
“Why not?” I asked knowing the answer.
“Because it involves Aunt Carrie. I have to keep that inside.” His tearful response.
I reassured him that it is okay to cry….it is okay to miss his Aunt…that I and many others miss her very much…each and every day. I also reassured him that talking about it helps. And, that I understood why he would not want to use that as a topic in class.
After some more discussion, he hit upon his go cart that he had made with his Dad…perfect story! He was able to immediately map out his thoughts for how he could present it in story form…showing how the process had strengthened his self confidence.
Yes, it has been one year and five months since that life changing day. The day that forever changed so many lives!
Last night reminded me again, of how challenging the sudden death of someone so close is for our children. They do not have the resources that we as adults have…the experiences…the maturity to muddle their way through.
It is vitally important that we take time…take the time sit with them…to allow them to talk, sit in silence, or cry. We have to help them…to guide them through the grieving process.
It has been a while since I blogged….time has gotten away from me! With my body adjusting to the pain med which has taken a slight edge off (yeah!)….extreme brain fog…registering our son for 8th Grade (YIKES)….and going out of town for a long weekend….followed by the inevitable “week after”….LOL
The pain med did help with the usual increased flare that follows the time away. I found that I was more tired and dealt with much more nausea than I have in the past. My body was very heavy and tired…
I had a follow up with my pain specialist…we have established the next step! I will continue to use the pain med as a “band aid” until I can get in for a trial to see if a pain pump (Targeted Drug Delivery) will work for me.
I am anxious yet ready for this next step. The risks of the pain pump are outweighed by the benefits….the idea of not having my internals in distress (just part of the necessary side effect of the pain med) is huge since my IBS-D and overly sensitive intestinal tract are not pleased….
I am gimping along with the great suggestions from my GI Specialist and my Low FODMAP diet…it is just nice to think there could be an option that might work for me!
After a night of fitful dreams
Deep in color and emotion
The body now even more fatigued…
The sky expresses my turmoil
A glimpse of blue
Thick black clouds
Roll slowly, heavily overhead…
Their load released as
Fresh white snow on the mountain
Some falling as rain
Before the transformation…
The wind will gust
Then sudden silence
No movement no sound
Except for the lonely call of a dove…
Vibrant colors surround
Spring brings life
Yet with it sadness
The reminder of loss…
That hollow ache
The yearning to reach out
To touch….to hear…
Memory brings images
Laughter and sunshine
The deep connection
That even death cannot break…
Slowly go about a few tasks
Listening to the sounds
Of Meatloaf on the stereo
Shifting focus as I struggle
The tears come and go
Just as the rain…
Today the elements
And I are united…
In a teary….bleary…day….
It is now going into the second week after my Ketamine Infusion. I would have to say that the extreme edge is still absent….I am dealing with itching, burning, deep body aches, extreme fatigue, extreme Fibro Fog, muscle weakness…that affect my entire body. The numbness is still on the right side of my face and neck…..
In reading this…you may be thinking….”What relief?” I will say the intensity of the headache is much less….also the stabbing and throbbing is absent…
Just a few symptoms absent….make a HUGE difference!
I am doing my best to keep up with my daily stretching….enjoying the wonderful sunshine while relaxing in the hammock…
So ready to be able to manage just a short walk! The constant refocus of what can be done is such a challenge! Like the few entries I needed to make on the computer for my Husband’s business….something that should have taken no more than five minutes took me one full hour! At least I was able to complete the task! LOL
Those not dealing with our hidden illnesses/conditions cannot begin to comprehend the frustration…the intense patience we must have…the struggle with depression….the constant need to help distract….while realizing that this IS and WILL BE our reality!
Our only hope is that we will eventually reach a point that we can balance some form of a “normal” life….even though it will be very different from our life before…
Today was the day! My husband and I headed to the Neurological Department at the University of Utah with the hope that there might be something that they could offer….some slight glimmer of hope…that would help with my disabling, pain and other symptoms of Fibromyalgia/Polyarthralgia/Chronic Pain Disorder.
After about three hours of reviewing medical history, symptoms and enduring the painful exam……I hear those dreaded words….”Due to your unique situation (the extremely sensitive intestinal issues I have) there is nothing we can do”…..”We wish we could give you a better idea of why you are feeling like you are….but your conditions are not understood”….”The pain and the symptoms you are experiencing are not related to nerve damage or muscle damage”…..”The loss of memory is not neurological”.
So yes….what I know….I AM NOT CRAZY….was confirmed! LOL
The only suggestion that was given was to see a “Pain Psychologist”. I am now researching….I have also asked on a couple of Fibro Forums if anyone dealing with Fibro has had success with this type of treatment…..
If you are reading this….and you have seen a Pain Psychologist….I would really appreciate your input as to if you feel it helped or not!
My confidence has been shaken or rather shattered!
Having Fibromyalgia makes me unsteady on my feet as anyone with this conditions knows! I have taken many falls and close calls.
Yet I have felt relatively safe in my own home! The walls, counters and furniture have been my friends….supports to assist me as I traverse from sofa to restroom and back….or to shift to my recliner….or to get a cup of water….
This afternoon took that “safe” feeling away from me!
I started around corner of cabinet to head towards sink when my world went completely topsy turvy! I heard the sound…that loud thump….before I realized what had happened….I then felt it as I heard our dog quickly come to my rescue!
My lower back and butt took the brunt…however, my shoulders and head were a close second!
I could feel myself starting to shake…..fear overwhelmed me….it was all I could do to retreat to my recliner….
Hours later….I am still shaken! It was yet another slap in the face…..another strong reminder of this condition!
It wraps itself around
Our innermost being
It swells and
Sends tendrils to
The most distant parts
Leaving no nerve unmolested.
It has so many faces
Making its capture
Much more convoluted
Morphing, shifting, ever changing.
Its manifestations are many
Taunting each of us
In unique ways
Similar faces many of us see
Yet some are spared
The vast multitude of masks.
Others it would seem
Those like me
Are being shown
More faces than could have been imagined!
The reason for Pain’s
Science does not yet understand.
Definitely not found
Alone in the mind
Pain is a true
Fighting for control.
We each battle
We wage our own
Yet we share
The common opponent!