As the snow deepens
The silence grows
As if time is standing still…
My mind is refreshed
As this quiet seeps to my core
Banishing all doubts and fears…
The clanging in my body
Fights the stillness found within
I close my eyes to return to the calm…
The falling snow builds
My mind again quiets
The screaming in my body subsides…
Such a blessing is granted
To reaffirm Faith that is tested
My soul is stirred…
Here’s to all of you with chronic illnesses and conditions! During this latest flare (Fibromyalgia, Polyarthralgia, Piriformis Syndrome, IBS-C) plus additional infections (bacterial vaginosis and yeast infection), I looked at myself in the mirror and simply said:
“I am going to make sick look good!”
My chronic conditions have taken enough! I will embrace my “new” fragile self and continue to thank God every day for his strength and courage to allow Him to be seen through my weaknesses.
It feels like an eternity since I have written a health update!
Again, I must express my gratitude for my pain pump! It is the reason that my Pain Specialist has been able to determine that I have Sciatica (both left and right side)…. Sacroiliac (right side)…and now Piriformis Syndrome.
A week from Monday, I will receive another injection to calm the Piriformis. We are working towards improved function of my right leg. I am sure many of you have dealt with the Sciatic nerve(s) acting up: burning, numbness, tingling, throbbing, stabbing, muscle spasms, etc. My right leg from buttock to the tip of my big toe has been experiencing these symptoms along with being unresponsive at times –foot will drag or leg will not move when I tell it to.
The issues with my right leg have been a big problem for years now. I had come to accept this as just one more thing to learn to live with…yet now more layers to my medical conditions have been uncovered. There should actually be improvement to movement!
The frustration is real even though progress is occurring. Sounds like a conundrum doesn’t it?
Injections for Sciatica have provided some limited relief…unveiling that I am also dealing with Sacroiliac involving my right leg. And, these new diagnoses have aggravated my Shingles…which also targets my right leg.
Needless to say my usual “companions” are quick to throw in their two cents…like I need to be reminded of my Fibromyalgia, Polyarthralgia, Spastic Colon, Pelvic Floor Syndrome, IBS and other conditions.
I have more to learn about the issues in my stomach that are leading to bloating and cramping (which are very scary with a colostomy); and, its interaction with my other conditions. Another diagnosis that will provide more information on how my body is “malfunctioning”.
It is frustrating to be home bound…yet, we are making progress in uncovering other conditions that have been masked by the overwhelming symptoms of Fibromyalgia and Polyarthralgia. (Thanks to my pain pump!)
It is discouraging to know that any time I leave the house it will result in a Flare. To be honest, just getting out of bed wrong can do the same!
The struggle continues…
As if our body’s aren’t under enough stress with our hidden illnesses and conditions, there always seems that more gets added to our plate!
I have been absent in dealing with “new” pain affecting my lower back and both legs. Results of the MRI showed Herniated discs (L4 and L5, S1 and S2) and arthritis in same area. So yes, definitely Sciatica.
I will go in for steroid injections next Wednesday. I do hope they provide relief. It would be SO nice to go back to my “usual” pain!
Coursing through every cell
The slightest touch exacerbates
Pressure from the softest cloth
Becomes a knife with serrated blade…
Interrupted by nausea
Hunched over by the cramping
Right arm and shoulder on fire
My body a living pin cushion…
The light is overwhelming
Yet the darkest room offers no relief
No comfort to be found
A headache begins to form
Sensations are racing to and fro…
The intensity of symptoms
Raging and fighting…vying for attention
My brain is on overload
Waves of pain bombard me
My body sinks into the depths…
I take pause
To breathe deeply
Soft spoken words
Pleading for the slightest of relief
Peace comes to my mind…
My symptoms still enraged
As I am enveloped
By a sense of calm
Like a thick blanket
Renewing strength and focus…
These pictures reflect the reason that we choose to join our families…our chronic conditions would prevent such moments.