Embracing life with chronic pain.

Posts tagged ‘death’

The Beacon

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The beautiful lighthouse at Newport, Oregon. Brings back such awesome memories! A weekend of baseball shared with my Sis!

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State of Disbelief 

I awoke today

With my mind a blur…

Looking at you

Your picture behind glass…


Waves of emotion

Well up from within…

Hit again with the reality

That you are with Heavenly Father…

My mind fights reality

As I want to awake…

Awake from this dream

To once again have you with us…

The Impact of Loss

Our son was given an assignment in English this week. His teacher asked that the class “brain storm” and then write a story…a true story…about something that taught them some type of a moral lesson.  It was to have conflict, climax, etc.

He was very frustrated with this assignment.  “Mom…my life is flat….other classmates came up with ideas right away…”

I started mentioning ideas…hoping to spark his creative interest…

“What about our move?”

“No!” he said emphatically.  Tears welling in his eyes.

“Why not?” I asked knowing the answer.

“Because it involves Aunt Carrie. I have to keep that inside.” His tearful response.

I reassured him that it is okay to cry….it is okay to miss his Aunt…that I and many others miss her very much…each and every day.  I also reassured him that talking about it helps. And, that I understood why he would not want to use that as a topic in class.

After some more discussion, he hit upon his go cart that he had made with his Dad…perfect story!  He was able to immediately map out his thoughts for how he could present it in story form…showing how the process had strengthened his self confidence.

Yes, it has been one year and five months since that life changing day. The day that forever changed so many lives!

Last night reminded me again, of how challenging the sudden death of someone so close is for our children.  They do not have the resources that we as adults have…the experiences…the maturity to muddle their way through.

It is vitally important that we take time…take the time sit with them…to allow them to talk, sit in silence, or cry.  We have to help them…to guide them through the grieving process.

The Pangs Within

Arms that are throbbing

Stabbing to the fingertips

Sensations coursing through

Overwhelming the muddled mind…

 

Thoughts escaping

Racing to distant places

Thick and fuzzy

As if with a heavy veil…

 

The pain is everywhere

It travels under the skin

It is manifest in every cell

There is no escape…

 

Numbness and burning

Lightheaded and unsure on foot

Each sound penetrates like a knife

The brightness of the light is piercing…

 

From deep within lies strength

A power gifted from above

To endure and to stand tall

To remain steadfast and unshaken…

 

The sensations coursing

Reeling with unsteady gait

My mind again lost

Coherent thought is not allowed…

 

 

Outward appearance shows nothing

The only hint a slight grimace

Hidden from view

As war is waged within…

 

Out of the Blue

It strikes without cause

No trigger is known

Yet the tears fall…

The feeling of emptiness 

Of inconsolable loss

No reason…no rhyme…

Overwhelming feelings

Yearnings…missing you…

Desperately trying to fathom

Why this now? 

So random…unable to control

The tears flow…

Is this part of healing?

Of surviving in a world

Void of your physical presence?

The need to hear your voice

To feel your embrace

To hear your laugh…

This path of sorrow

Is steep and treacherous

Wrought with falling rocks

And deep holes…

Navigating is not easy

A challenge for sure

With sorrowful eyes

Prayers raised to Heaven

Seeking comfort

And guidance…

Focus

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Like a winding dirt road

Winding through mountainous terrain

The beauty of the trees

The chirping of the birds

Butterflies flying overhead

The sound of bees

As they move from flower to flower…

The shadows are slowly giving way

The brilliant blue sky

With only a hint of a slight breeze

The brilliant purple of the thistles

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Clash with the brown dry grass…

So many colors

Overwhelming all senses

While the quiet sounds

Can barely be heard above

The ringing of my ears…

The reason that I am here?

The brain fog has hidden

The initial focus is gone

Given way instead

To the beauty that surrounds…

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Speak Up

We can often be our own worst enemies….in a recent conversation that I had with a “new” friend…I was disappointed to hear that she knows others with Fibromyalgia; however, they do not speak about it, nor do they speak of their experiences.

I have found that by opening myself up….by speaking about my various conditions/illnesses, that I have not only helped myself, that I have also helped others around me.

My family and friends have a better understanding of what I am dealing with. Others with similar conditions have been a great source of encouragement! It is so helpful to exchange ideas, medications tried, relaxation techniques, exercise options, etc. This is also huge in reinforcing the fact that we are NOT alone!

We must also be prepared to speak up to our doctors….our specialists….it is the only way to continue to raise awareness of our hidden conditions/illnesses…by speaking up we can help direct bring attention to these little known conditions/illnesses that impact so many of us.

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