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Posts tagged ‘discouragement’

Two Steps Backward

2017 has proven to be a rough year so far!  The arctic front that came through almost two months ago wreaked havoc on me resulting in a nasty flare.  Then with the change of insurance, there were challenges with getting Cymbalta approved…leaving me with the experience of going cold turkey…two weeks of intense withdrawal symptoms on top of the Fibromyalgia symptoms.  This followed by a severe bladder infection.

I did have a bright spot! Insurance had said yes to the pain pump…so I was looking forward to a pain pump trial at the end of this week. That is, until this morning.

I received a call from my pain specialist’s office….expecting it to be the final instructions prior to the trial.  Unfortunately, I was to receive the news that insurance had approved the pain pump….but they denied the medication. What?!?!?!?  Yes…the medication was denied.

My specialist’s office is approaching different manufacturers to attempt to find assistance for me so that we could go forward with the trial….after all, you have to be able to get the medication in order for the pain pump to be useful! LOL

Needless to say, it was another sinking moment. That too familiar, wind out of the sails feeling…it really does seem that for each step forward I am taking two steps backward.

My faith is strong. I know that if I am meant to have this opportunity the pieces will eventually fall into place! For the time being, I will appreciate the medications that I am able to take.


It is inevitable during our battle with chronic pain that we face discouragement. After all, we are battling on so many fronts!

We find ourselves struggling with the guilt that our longterm illness/conditions cause…as we watch our finances depleted and debts grow…knowing that we are helpless to do anything about it!

You may be fighting for social security disability like I am…finding that each time we get close to scheduling a hearing…that the “backlog” has pushed our case out yet another two to four months…

Add another layer.. .that with insurance changes that placed me into forced withdrawal as I awaited my prescription to be approved…

I could go on and on…the important point is to understand that we we will have ups and downs…no matter how positive we try to be.  Remember that our projecting a positive front wears on us as well! Our limited “spoons” are often used before we can get out of our bedroom in the morning!

Allow yourself a time out…a day to sleep…a day to watch your favorite movies…the time will help you to “reset”. Our struggles will still be there but our spirit will have been strengthened.

Waves of Depression 

It is inevitable as we struggle along,

The path of pain is long and coursing.

We are often tossed to and fro

The massive waves of depression 

Ever threatening to overtake and drown.

Understand that this is normal,

It does not make us bad,

Nor does it have to overcome us.

Our Heavenly Father is a beacon

The light to which we focus.

Just as darkness can threaten

The glimmer even as a soft flame

Ignites our inner strength and hope.

Others are sent to intersect

To offer friendship and consolation

Yet another sign to show we are not alone.

To take in every sight and sound,

To breath in the scent of rain on the wind,

To embrace every opportunity given,

To offer assistance to others

Never paying heed to our feebleness.

The waves will come, again and again,

Without warning…completely unexpected.

Turn your eyes to the light,

Do not worry about how weak,

The brightness grows as you focus

While being cast about.

Incessant Pain

Think of these synonyms: ceaseless, unceasing, constant, continual, unabating, interminable, endless, unending, never-ending, everlasting, eternal, perpetual, continuous, nonstop, uninterrupted, unbroken, unremitting, persistent, relentless, unrelenting, unrelieved, sustained…

Yes…any one of these words is the perfect description of our life with Fibromyalgia/Polyarthralgia/Chronic Pain Disorder/ and the like!!!

Having had my second Ketamine Infusion just shy of one week ago…I have not noticed any reduction in any of my symptoms….actually…it has been the opposite.  I have experienced some of the worst days ever!

To say “worst days”….hard to believe when I continue to deal with almost every symptom possible….so severely debilitating…..so frustrating….and at times….SO discouraging!!!

As I attempt to rest….relaxing in my recliner….I am nauseous from the pain…the burning…the stabbing….the throbbing….the spasms….the muscle cramps…..the numbness and tingling…..etc…

I placed a call and left a message for my pain specialist….I hope to hear something tomorrow….

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