Just as the thick cloak of night
Hides the shadow
My body belies the reality
Of the war raging within…
It is bejeweled by the glistening stars
Twinkling like diamonds
Forming well known constellations
Whose paths were set to motion eons ago…
The path of chronic pain is arduous
It tests us in ways unimaginable
It attacks physically, mentally, and emotionally
Showing no mercy and no predictability…
It taunts with images of yesterday
It teases with thoughts of “normalcy”
Reality check…pain is real…symptoms are real
Yesterday is our distant past…
The challenge now is to create
To embrace our limitations
This is our new reality
To embark upon a unique journey…
I read an interesting article regarding Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome….the fact that these are life changing conditions….these greatly misunderstood chronic pain conditions are “for life”…..
In simple terms….the person we were before the diagnoses no longer exists….these conditions permanently determine our actions….in my case I have had to quit my job, relocate my family to a different state….all in the hope that in the long run….my symptoms will settle down to allow a simple life that is interrupted with occasional flares.
My hopes are simple….to be able to do a short walk….to be able to drive to the store…these will take time (I am prepared for the long haul)…..
Yet along this path…I have also lost my Baby Sis (as many of you who follow my blogs know)……so I am not only dealing with the grief of having lost my Sis and best friend…..I am grieving the loss of me! The me that used to be able to run….to hike….to drive….to take care of others….to fish….to hunt (yes…I have not given this up….just much more difficult as a Handicapped Hunter who must stay in the rig)…
This knowledge has really hit home! It has helped me to better understand another level to the stresses that my body is dealing with….the additional weight that is facilitating the continuation of the severity of my symptoms.
I hope that this “new” knowledge will help me to be more patient with myself…to better understand how to slow my world down so that I can come out the other side with limitations and less debilitation.