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Posts tagged ‘Fobromyalgia’

Out of the Blue

It strikes without cause

No trigger is known

Yet the tears fall…

The feeling of emptiness 

Of inconsolable loss

No reason…no rhyme…

Overwhelming feelings

Yearnings…missing you…

Desperately trying to fathom

Why this now? 

So random…unable to control

The tears flow…

Is this part of healing?

Of surviving in a world

Void of your physical presence?

The need to hear your voice

To feel your embrace

To hear your laugh…

This path of sorrow

Is steep and treacherous

Wrought with falling rocks

And deep holes…

Navigating is not easy

A challenge for sure

With sorrowful eyes

Prayers raised to Heaven

Seeking comfort

And guidance…

Moving Forward!

Seizing an opportunity IS difficult!  I am struggling SO much with my Fibromyalgia and Polyarthralgia!  I am SO sensitive to the barometric pressure and humidity on the Coast!

We must make a change…a drastic change for me.  We will be moving from the Coast…inland to a more desert type environment. It is the best hope to offer some relief!

I keep hearing “See You Again” by Carrie Underwood!

I know that I will see my Baby Sis again!  She has gone before me….before our parents and brothers! Suddenly and unexpectedly!

Yet the visual pics of her life that our brother put together….entwined with music which included…”See You AgaIn”!

Well?!?!  I just sit back now….smile….and watch this full kaleidoscope of memories envelope me!  I feel myself taken to the distant past….to the past….and most recent past!

I see the beautiful curly blond haired blue eyed child looking up to me….to the wonderful playful blond blued girl that refused to wear a dress!!!!  Then I see the most beautiful blond haired blue eyed woman in front of me!

The wonderful woman who has accomplished so much!  Who was able to reach out and touch SO many!

Yes! My Sis will accompany us on our next journey! Her spirit is forever with us!  I carry her in my heart…just as my husband and son!

I embrace this next journey to seek health and healing for my body!  We all wish that!

I also know that a part of my Sis will journey with us!

Surreal!

I find myself in a strange place….a strange plane of existence…..I am here…my husband and son….my brothers and their wives….our parents…

Absent is my sister’s voice…her laugh…her direct impact on all those around. 

I reach for my phone….no use!  I cannot call her…..she cannot answer…I can look to the sky….I can close my eyes and feel her presence!

No longer present in the physical realm.  Yet….we left behind can only reach out and touch physically!  

I want to talk with my sis….I want to give her a huge hug….to tell her again that I love her!

I can only close my eyes and see in my minds eye out last interaction….her laugh….her eyes aglow!  Full of life!  The hugs and I Love You’s! 

Now so strange. I have my wonderful husband and son by my side….yet there is an emptiness that will not be filled….that part of me that was lost when you were taken from us!

I know I am going through the “normal” cycle of grief.  I bet though….no one considers themselves “normal” when working through the new reality of life….the reality that our precious loved one is no longer with us in the physical present.  

We have the precious memories…the life and events that we shared….we do not have the future. 

We look to our faith to keep us together…to join our today and our tomorrow with our loved one that has departed!

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