As if our body’s aren’t under enough stress with our hidden illnesses and conditions, there always seems that more gets added to our plate!
I have been absent in dealing with “new” pain affecting my lower back and both legs. Results of the MRI showed Herniated discs (L4 and L5, S1 and S2) and arthritis in same area. So yes, definitely Sciatica.
I will go in for steroid injections next Wednesday. I do hope they provide relief. It would be SO nice to go back to my “usual” pain!
Chronic illness and pain often leaves us feeling like we are driving a hazardous road in the blackest of nights in blinding snow.
I hear the tumultuous waves crashing nearby. My knuckles are white as I clinch the steering wheel ever tighter.
My body is overwhelmed, yet again, with increased stabbing pain and extremely overly sensitive skin…I am counting hours to my appointment tomorrow. A much needed refill to my pain pump and discussion of my latest MRI.
In the early morning hours, as I laid in bed feeling the pain ramping up, I prayed for a touch of relief…tears could not help but fall. I was granted a little more than an hour’s fitful sleep during which I was given an awesome dream.
I dreamt that I was clinging as tightly as I could to a rock as a storm raged around me…pounding pain, large hail stones striking exposed skin, winds whipping and tearing around me…every pore seemed to be screaming as the pain within was rising to the symphony around me. Then I opened my eyes to see that I was clinging to Jesus, his back taking the brunt of the forces.
I awoke with a renewed sense of hope…looking forward to tomorrow’s appointment…knowing that I am truly not alone…that my prayers are being heard.
Coursing through every cell
The slightest touch exacerbates
Pressure from the softest cloth
Becomes a knife with serrated blade…
Interrupted by nausea
Hunched over by the cramping
Right arm and shoulder on fire
My body a living pin cushion…
The light is overwhelming
Yet the darkest room offers no relief
No comfort to be found
A headache begins to form
Sensations are racing to and fro…
The intensity of symptoms
Raging and fighting…vying for attention
My brain is on overload
Waves of pain bombard me
My body sinks into the depths…
I take pause
To breathe deeply
Soft spoken words
Pleading for the slightest of relief
Peace comes to my mind…
My symptoms still enraged
As I am enveloped
By a sense of calm
Like a thick blanket
Renewing strength and focus…
Viewing the awesome landscape of the early morning with the chorus of “Amazing Grace” playing in my mind…
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.”
The gift of a new day with just a hint of God’s power and majesty on display.
The most difficult part of living with hidden illnesses/conditions like Fibromyalgia, Polyarthralgia, Chronic Pain Disorder, IBS, etc. is trying to describe our conditions to those close to us. I created the attached PDF to demonstrate how complex these conditions and their associated symptoms are…
The definition and synonyms per Dictionary.com are presented as follows:
having or showing a tendency to be easily annoyed or made angry.
“she was tired and irritable”
||bad-tempered, short-tempered, irascible, tetchy, testy, touchy, grumpy, grouchy, moody, crotchety, in a (bad) mood, cantankerous, bilious, curmudgeonly, ill-tempered, annoyed, cross, ill-humored, peevish, fractious, pettish, crabby, bitchy, waspish, prickly, splenetic, dyspeptic, choleric; More
(of a bodily part or organ) abnormally sensitive.
(of a condition) caused by abnormal sensitivity.
I have been praying and reading scripture while wrestling with this beast. Many questions have come to mind:
- Is this a “new to me” Fibro Flare symptom?
- Is this the result of the intense stress of fighting for SS Disability (26 months to finally receive a “Favorable” decision)?
- Is it the result of being overwhelmed emotionally due to the “Favorable” decision?
- Is it a side effect of medication?
- Is it the after effect of changing medication?
- Is it the result of being home bound?
- Is it the result of frustration that the simple act of riding in a vehicle for any amount of time triggers a Fibro Flare?
- Is it from not getting enough sleep?
The questions could go on and on to other tangents as well. My attention span is close to nonexistent. I would liken it….to a young child…distractions are everywhere! The sights and sounds derail me all too easily.
All that is certain is that irritability is a foe!