In the early morning hours while saying a prayer, images were brought to mind. It was as if I was watching a slide show highlighting the path of chronic illness that I have been traveling. So empowering and providing such a tremendous peace, that I must share!
With spot light in hand, God provided a glimpse…a “bird’s eye” view of my path. It was like looking at a map. I could see that with each boulder, rock slide, downed tree, or gaping hole there was a small, hand drawn box. The boxes ranged in vicinity to the obstacles…sometimes it was next to the obstacle, sometimes it was a mile…yet with EACH impediment there was a box associated with it.
This personalized Isaiah 64:8 — “But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand.”
These boxes were the many “tools” that have been given to me! I am truly humbled and overwhelmed as I ponder this revelation…friendships, medications, Bible verses, change in attitude, phone calls, songs, surprise visits, text messages…
Some of these “tools” reappear to demonstrate how some are repurposed like my hernia belt that my husband had modified for me due to my Colostomy. This belt is now providing some relief to the Sacroiliac joint that is inflamed as I await the appointment for a steroid injection to reduce symptoms.
As I await results from additional testing, I am thankful for the “tools” that God has granted to me, especially for my family, friends, and medical team.
Chronic illness and pain often leaves us feeling like we are driving a hazardous road in the blackest of nights in blinding snow.
I hear the tumultuous waves crashing nearby. My knuckles are white as I clinch the steering wheel ever tighter.
My body is overwhelmed, yet again, with increased stabbing pain and extremely overly sensitive skin…I am counting hours to my appointment tomorrow. A much needed refill to my pain pump and discussion of my latest MRI.
In the early morning hours, as I laid in bed feeling the pain ramping up, I prayed for a touch of relief…tears could not help but fall. I was granted a little more than an hour’s fitful sleep during which I was given an awesome dream.
I dreamt that I was clinging as tightly as I could to a rock as a storm raged around me…pounding pain, large hail stones striking exposed skin, winds whipping and tearing around me…every pore seemed to be screaming as the pain within was rising to the symphony around me. Then I opened my eyes to see that I was clinging to Jesus, his back taking the brunt of the forces.
I awoke with a renewed sense of hope…looking forward to tomorrow’s appointment…knowing that I am truly not alone…that my prayers are being heard.
Viewing the awesome landscape of the early morning with the chorus of “Amazing Grace” playing in my mind…
“Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.”
The gift of a new day with just a hint of God’s power and majesty on display.
What a whirlwind this past week has been! I have experienced electric shocks and electric zaps (a slow-motion form of the fast shocks), intense nausea, insomnia followed by sleeping all day –unable to wake, thick brain fog, inability to use the correct words when attempting to speak…not to mention the symptoms of my conditions thrown into the mix!!
Yesterday was the worst for pain that I have ever experienced. Yes…you read that right! Mere words cannot relay the reality, yet I must try. It is SO important that we know and absolutely believe that we are not alone in dealing with our hidden illnesses/conditions.
Yesterday brought tears to me eyes, truly crying because the pain was so extensive, so overbearing, so excruciating. Every single inch of my body was screaming at the top of its lungs: exaggerated pain from touch (clothing, slight breeze from the ceiling fan), Tinnitus volume turned up on high, stabbing and throbbing sensations coursing up and down my legs. It was hard to differentiate from the symptoms of my Fibromyalgia/Polyarthralgia/Chronic Pain Disorder/Neuralgia/IBS-D/etc. and those produced by the absence of the Cymbalta.
This morning brought a huge sigh of relief! There is a true difference in my body today. I am experiencing the symptoms of my conditions…albeit they are still higher than my “normal”, would be categorized as a “Fibro Flare”…yet I feel that they will slowly settle…settle enough for my Pain Specialist to make further adjustments as needed to my pain pump.
What a rough ride! I am sure that I will still have some issues arise, however, it is uplifting to know that the first week following the last dosage is the most difficult. One step at a time…one day at a time.
The beauty of the sky
The myriad of colors
The sounds of life abound
Even with the ever ringing in the ears…
It is as if I had been in a lifetime slumber
My senses forever dulled
Reaching upwards for help
While overwhelmed in quicksand…
Illness strips us of the familiar
We are thrust into the unknown
Each step taken as with a blindfold
Hands outstretched groping in darkness…
Our medical teams struggle
Conditions and illnesses so misunderstood
Further muddled by myriad of symptoms
Each of us so different from the other…
We search for answers
Yet try as we might
We find health elusive
Stripped from us and locked away
Secreted in the darkest, farthest corner…
We are tried and tested in ways indescribable
As words are a shallow testament
To the inner symptoms that abound
Forever changing and challenging…
The beautiful lighthouse at Newport, Oregon. Brings back such awesome memories! A weekend of baseball shared with my Sis!
While in town last week after my doctor appointment, my husband and son went into a family owned feed store. They happened to have this beautiful, white female boxer pup…with the most brilliant blue eyes…they kept talking about her.
When I woke up Monday morning, I felt some strength and had a bit of focus. The last two weeks of not feeling well, Fibro flares, IBS-C flares, and head cold….then finally starting my new medication dosage (which completely knocked my out)….had finally loosened their grip for a brief time.
I took advantage….and once hubby was a work and our son at school….I snuck into town…and with the help of the wonderful, courteous staff…this beautiful pup was loaded up and ready to head to her new home!
Needless to say, our son was ecstatic! Our lab was pleased to have a little one around…and Sadie has blended right into the family.
It has been such a blessing! She has brought wonderful distraction…endless snuggles…and many laughs as she and Chrly wrestle and play.
It has truly helped increase the joy of this wondrous Christmas Season!
Merry Christmas Everyone!