What are the “True Thoughts of Loss”? Really??? It TOTALLY SUCKS!
Truly! The loss of someone so close….especially in such a sudden tragic way is VERY hard…..
Even with Faith…with belief in a higher power….realizing that God IS God….
It is STILL difficult! It is just Faith that helps….it gives the strength to know that there IS some greater good…..a good that is BIGGER than we are….that is outside of us….that we cannot see….
We cannot see this BIGGER good because we are TOO close! We are TOO close to the origin!
I guess that is the TRUE secret!
The knowledge and the true HOPE that our BELOVED has somehow bridged the gap…has SOMEHOW impacted lives in such a way….that even in his/her death….the result is a GREATER impact on ALL those around him/her!
In my case….I have had the TRUE pleasure….the TRUE blessing….of seeing FIRST HAND the HUGE impact that my Sister had on the lives on those around her!
My Sis….is a TRUE living testament to a LIVING…BREATHING…God…..
Thank you Lord for holding my Sis Close!!!
As we begin a new year, I want to say Happy New Year! The years are flying by! Each year is going faster and faster. It is hard to keep up with all that is happening!
Our children are involved in so many opportunities…..be it Church, Scouts, School, etc…..
I am taken back…..I remember the huge celebration around year 1976! Such an awesome 200 birthday party for the United States of America!
I remember the eve of 2000. I was in Phoenix, AZ….there were lines of folks lined up for fuel…preparing for everything to shut down. It was crazy!
Now….we are at 2015! We are not in space…we do not use hovercrafts as transport! Fiction has not met fact. We are not yet experiencing the grand ideas those before us thought! Think of the television show Space: 1999!
I prefer to dwell in the awesome presence of life….our “now”! We are enjoying a new year with our loved ones! We have the opportunity to spend more time….to share our experiences…..to embrace our families, our friends!
I for one, am so appreciative of this new year! I look forward to every moment that I will be able to share with my hubby, my son, my family and friends! I am so glad to be here to share this with them!
It is a phrase….
A man-made restriction….or limitation.
It is best expressed as
Those hugs and kisses
Shared with your kids
Shared with your hubby/spouse/significant other.
Our shared experiences….
Actual shared activities….
Board games, cards….
Or outside activities…
Walking, hiking, fishing, shooting….
It is limited.
It only lasts as long
As we can draw a breath.
The lesson for each of us…
It is limited….
We do not know how much we are allotted…..
Maximize each opportunity….
Embrace every hug….
Enjoy every smile….
Take advantage of all the kisses and hugs!
We are blessed with one life….
To enjoy as much time as possible……
With our loved ones around us.
The length we know naught….
It is relative….
Focus on the quality….
Truly being present in each and every moment.
That is the true lesson!
Never lose sight of the quality….
The true fully involved time…..
When gifted the opportunity with our kids….our loved ones….
Give the most of ourselves…..
With no thought….
Then we are freed to….
Let us vow to embrace….
And to give as much of ourselves
During the time
That we are allowed by our Creator.
This return to work is definitely harder this time. I know the discomfort I have is normal. It is to be expected when back in a dynamic office environment. I just pushed to much yesterday….all ready enough stress on the body with part days!
I also had to go to the store after work to get a few needed items. Thankfully I was smart enough to ask for assistance. So grateful that when asked a courtesy clerk will take all to the rig and load it. My hubby and son unloaded all for me. (If their hands were not so full they would have done the shopping.)
It is a constant up and down. From the earlier energized feeling of Monday and Tuesday…..to the worn and achy feeling of Thursday.
I am resting now. That has to be priority this afternoon. Find it hard to focus. Writing about the day helps. It helps me to refocus…to reflect and to regain patience in the healing process.
It would be awesome if there were a healing gel, ointment or lotion….something that would trigger rapid healing and return of full energy! LOL
It has been wonderful to see company employees….to speak with contacts directly on the office phone. It is humbling to see and hear all the thoughtful words of encouragement.
I am most often asked if I am ready to dance. At that question I can only smile and say that is a little ways off yet! Give me a few more weeks! (I know it will realistically be months. I just prefer to dangle that carrot close!)
There are times I wonder if I will truly get back to pre surgical strength and stamina. I just don’t dwell long there. I just know that I will recover and regain as much strength and stamina that I can. Enough to hunt and fish with my family. Enough to play outside with my son.
This week was my return to full reality! I am working in the office part-time. Read that as 4 – 4 1/2 hours. Yesterday kicked my butt! Sorry to be so frank. I came home and had to take a nap! I was tired and slept long and hard last night.
Today I had to work in the PM. That was tough! The PM is tough. I made it though. I was very tired afterwards. I took advantage of Papa Murphy’s. Love the fact they will provide “cheese less” cheesy bread! (Have to be able to add our son’s goat cheese or soy cheese instead!)
Now I am just worn out! And this is only Tuesday!! I have the rest of the week to go. Thankfully I will be able to work mornings and then nap in the afternoon. My body is just not ready for anything more. I wish I could be on a faster track. That is not my path….I must take a slower trek.
Next week I am hoping for 6 hour days. We will see! I must carefully listen to my body. If I am this worn out still next week, I will have to slow my return. I will offset as best I can from home.
My mind is set. I am continuing to be positive. I am striving for more strength. Anticipating improvement day by day…albeit slow.
Wow! Our new bed arrived today! I feel like a child at Christmas….only difference is I can’t wait until bedtime! Part of healing is being able to have a good night’s sleep. Well our former bed has not been providing that! Being a side sleeper my hips have been paying the price! Between the hips aching and the intense night sweats (thanks to the oophorectomy), it has been a true challenge to get the rest my body needs to heal!
I am past the pain meds that allowed me to sleep. I am now only using Ibuprofen….lightly as needed. I know next week I will need to take it on a regular basis since I will be returning to work…..yes….easing back into it! I will be starting at 4 hours a day. Will listen to the body…..I can supplement from home as needed.
I had sworn up and down that I would never buy another bed! The last one was such a horrendous disappointment. After 15 years though, my hubby was finally able to convince me to get rid of the bed and get a new one.
It was crazy spending time laying on all the beds…testing them! (That was a great outing!!) So amazing the new technologies! And…..of course, we made it a family affair! It was my opportunity to get out of the house! And how better to spend time than to lie down and test out beds! LOL
Now I sit here….we have enjoyed watching Ghost Hunters for the night…..son is in the tub…..I am anxiously watching the clock! LOL
I am looking forward to a solid night’s sleep. My activity level is up during the day. My mind is focused. I am focused on moving forward….of being healthy….of resuming life activities. Yet…most of all…I am looking forward to a solid….long….night’s sleep!
Resting in my comfy chair recuperating from my latest surgery I can’t help but think…..when I lie in bed at night after prayers are said….my mind races…or rather wanders…..thoughts, experiences, dreams.
My restless mind reminds me of life…..the twists and turns….the ups and downs. Of decisions, life’s lessons…..relationships…..friendships…..the unseen, yet very felt, Hand of God.
Each day provides opportunity….choices….decisions to be made. Our goal is to make the most of each day….to make the best decisions we can for ourselves and our loved ones.
To choose to embrace challenges presented to us….to turn them into opportunities that allow us to grow….to become stronger….to give more of ourselves….to appreciate every single moment of every single day.
I had hoped to be able to help others dealing with a sudden illness, surgery or dealing with a chronic health condition by starting this Blog. I have found so much more!
The friends I have made….fellow bloggers dealing with their struggles…..each offering inspiration….sharing encouragement…..sharing themselves. What a wonderful blessing you all are!
Other blessings of course….my husband…..my son….our families (parents, brothers, sisters, sister-in-laws, brother-in-laws, cousins, Aunts, Uncles). Our friends……our Church family……I am so blown away by the loving support!
This struggle with pain has opened my eyes to a deeper appreciation for those around me. I am awestruck and humbled by all the support I have received and continue to receive.
I am deeply appreciative and thank God for everyone whose lives I have been blessed to touch.
Each day when eyes first open…..breath in the sweet air…listen to the sounds all around….and submerse yourself in all the wonderful blessings around us!
I am sure that I am not the first nor the last dealing with long-term health issues that pushes too hard….to far…at times. Then of course…we do as I am now…”paying the piper”….sitting with the heating pad….knowing it really isn’t doing much….just not looking forward to the weight of a blanket on the side that cannot be touched.
I would do it again in a heart beat! I want to meet my obligations at work….there are set things that I cannot hand off. Then the most important part of the day comes after work! Watching my son play baseball! I know we will be disrupted by another hospital stay all to soon…I just cannot bear missing a moment cheering…..watching….participating!
I know tonight will bring little sleep. I will turn in into prayer and meditation time….afterall…just relaxing will help to provide energy for tomorrow. Tomorrow will be more low-key….no game…no important meetings at work…..just the best part of the evening…Cub Scouts! Smiling happy faces…the boys laughing and enjoying each other…learning and growing!
This is the daily struggle…the day to day that we “manage”……as we as parents…..manage our illness/sickness/pain…..our children do not realize the powerful role THEY play. Our kids are our inspiration…..our joy….our angels….that assist us each day. Overpowering the bad with the good….providing the “misdirection” that we need to lose focus on what we ourselves are dealing with….taking us “above and beyond”.
As anyone dealing with unanticipated health issues will know….or better yet experience….expectations…..OUR personal expectations of our treatments, tests, etc. change. In my experience, once one hurdle is met….the recovery begins…to be hit with another hurdle…..can be frustrating…disorienting. The best way to think of it is as a “roller coaster”. Only this time…it is not the exhilarating fun kind! It is taxing….it is wearing….it is disruptive. It makes life a challenge….it forces us to dig deep within ourselves to wear that smile….to go through the day-to-day motions.
It is hard to not be overwhelmed by this! I can best sum this up as my latest experience. I was feeling better excited about the pain-free life….to get back on track with all I wanted to do….exercise…prepping for our family outings. Then getting hit with the “truck”….the word “tumor”. The following discomfort, nausea, just overall “nasty” feel…….really took its toll. Seeing our son’s reaction REALLY took its toll.
Now….after fighting for this series of Lupron injections….I feel like a “Phoenix — Rising Above the Ashes”…..I am strengthened (although not feeling at all better)….ready to fight (yes more spring in my step)……..I am in control (no…not really…just…back in control of my emotions…..of how I am seeing my world and interacting with it).
Hang in there! Whether you view this as a “roller-coaster” or as “ebb and flow”……when we are hit with news….it takes time for us…as well as our family’s to adjust to the news. Once a path is started….empower yourself! Take control! Know that you and your medical team are working hard to do what is best for you.
Then….ENJOY your family! ENJOY your friends! ENJOY this precious gift we share…called life!