Yes…we can feel trapped! We understand better than most the frailty and limitations of our bodies due to the chronic illness and chronic conditions we are living with. There are definitely times that I feel “trapped”. The overwhelming sensations (pain, itching, burning, muscle spasms, extreme fatigue) are driving me crazy!
I scratch….I still itch! I hurt and ache all over. My hubby has rubbed my feet and calves……just can’t rub them enough! The burning in my shoulders and back…..my arms, hands, wrists, fingers…..the joints just hurt so badly.
There is nothing anyone can do! I am powerless! All I can do is relax and allow my body to express itself. I understand that I am in for the long haul. It will take time….months very possibly more than that until my body develops a rhythm. I understand that I will not be in control….ever…..that there will always be times when my body is “out of control”.
I am just trying to come “to grips” with knowing that I have been given this body. Yes….I am now more “trapped” it would seem! I know that I will learn to somehow manage a schedule of sorts. I will some day be able to have some exercise and then be able to rest and proceed with the day.
But in the mean time? Yes….it is hard….at times it does not seem fair. However, I know that God is ultimately in control. All is happening for a reason. Somehow this is all going to work out.
For now, I know that my body is dictacting and forcing me to allow others to help me. This is good! (Even though it is hard!) It is a challenge not feeling well….it is hard to just lie down….to just relax and do nothing. Yet the body will not allow anything else!
: ) I am reminded….”this too shall pass”…..and it will! This torrent of overwhelming sensations will subside….there will be a day when the sensations, the pain will be more manageable….more tolerable than it is now.