Embracing life with chronic pain and illnesses.

Posts tagged ‘mother’

Trapped

Yes…we can feel trapped!  We understand better than most the frailty and limitations of our bodies due to the chronic illness and chronic conditions we are living with.  There are definitely times that I feel “trapped”.  The overwhelming sensations (pain, itching, burning, muscle spasms, extreme fatigue) are driving me crazy!

I scratch….I still itch!  I hurt and ache all over.  My hubby has rubbed my feet and calves……just can’t rub them enough!  The burning in my shoulders and back…..my arms, hands, wrists, fingers…..the joints just hurt so badly. 

There is nothing anyone can do!  I am powerless!  All I can do is relax and allow my body to express itself.  I understand that I am in for the long haul.  It will take time….months very possibly more than that until my body develops a rhythm.  I understand that I will not be in control….ever…..that there will always be times when my body is “out of control”.

I am just trying to come “to grips” with knowing that I have been given this body.  Yes….I am now more “trapped” it would seem!  I know that I will learn to somehow manage a schedule of sorts.  I will some day be able to have some exercise and then be able to rest and proceed with the day.

But in the mean time?  Yes….it is hard….at times it does not seem fair.  However, I know that God is ultimately in control.  All is happening for a reason.  Somehow this is all going to work out.

For now, I know that my body is dictacting and forcing me to allow others to help me.  This is good!  (Even though it is hard!)  It is a challenge not feeling well….it is hard to just lie down….to just relax and do nothing.  Yet the body will not allow anything else!

: )  I am reminded….”this too shall pass”…..and it will!  This torrent of overwhelming sensations will subside….there will be a day when the sensations, the pain will be more manageable….more tolerable than it is now.

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Living with a Permanent Colostomy

Just shy of three years since my colostomy (repair of rectal prolapse, pelvic mesh repair and hysterectomy) and almost two years since making it permanent (removal of rectum). One year ago the removal of ovaries and Fallopian tubes.

One year of no surgeries! One year of learning to adapt the LowFODMAP diet to help control the last of my gut challenges. All is going well!

As I have posted, I was able to enjoy a vacation with my husband and son. A wonderful road trip that lasted 8 days. We covered a lot of ground. Did a lot of hiking. Had our own snacks and are out.

So empowering! Life has improved so much for me since this procedure!

I find a lot of negative postings and thoughts in regards to ostomies. I know that I am not alone in saying it is not the end of the world. It is a beginning! It is the opportunity to regain one’s life.

I am enjoying life to the fullest! I am exercising, shooting a bow (my first ever), fishing, shooting guns, hiking, playing, swimming!!!!

It IS different. As you will see in postings with a stoma, you have no control over your “output”. It happens when it happens. You do adapt and learn the tell-tell signs of your body. For example….if the stoma is protruding you know that there will be output…..there is a bit of sensation in the gut area, so you know that there is some action.

It does take time to become accustomed to your new body. It took me almost a year before I showered without a bag/barrier. It was very scary at first! However, I now enjoy that time. It allows my body to breathe….to be cleansed with warm water. (I quickly learned to have a washcloth handy in case things started to “move”.)

I am so thankful for a supportive husband and son! They have been so helpful and nonjudgmental! Our son even came up with the name for my stoma sounds. (Yes….you still pass gas….and no….you have NO control.) We refer to them as tummy toots or as our son says “Mom’s Elk call”!

Believe me! Very embarrassing the first time in a grocery store line! Thankfully our son was with me. He just laughed and looked up with a big smile….”Mom, good elk call!” We both laughed.

Since then, I have learned that I can place my hand strategically to help muffle. I have learned to feel the nuances of my body….to understand when a movement (gas or otherwise) will occur. There are times I am caught off guard. It is going to happen. Embrace it with a smile!

I would never go back to the pain…the misery that I was dealing with. I am thankful that I have this “new” me. I am looking forward to running again! And I am looking forward to many years of hunting/fishing with my husband and son.

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