Embracing life with chronic pain and illnesses.

Posts tagged ‘poetry’

Backwards

Chronic conditions take such a toll…stretching us to our breaking point…like a tennis ball on an elastic cord…we are tossed about without rhyme or reason.

We are bombarded by new or worsening symptoms…as we start a medication, deal with interactions between medications, struggle with adjustments to our prescription(s).

Add new diagnoses that further complicate our all ready complex situations…we truly push our medical teams…as they are thrust into the unknown.

The inevitable “Flares” that strike…some we know are coming due to choices we make (like going out to lunch with a friend…attending Parent Night to meet our son’s teachers…a simple short ride in the rig)…others strike for no apparent reason…forcing us to cancel plans…to retreat to the safety of our homes.

It is no wonder that we often feel that we are going backwards…despite our best efforts.

Yet I caught a glimpse of something precious when I paused with my eyes closed…in that short time, I took time to review the past few weeks…months…and saw progress!

I am speaking of those little changes…sitting through a rented movie –actually being able to focus and watch it…no recent falls…sleeping in a four hour block at night.

Take heart! Even when we feel like we are going backwards rather than forwards, we are progressing.

The Unseen Hand

IMG_7697The leaves shimmer

Moving up and down

Reflecting the brilliance of the sun…

Suddenly the branches join in

The smallest of movements

Grow into waves…

The hammock begins to sway

Gentle movements encouraged

By the unseen power of the wind…

My mind is drawn to a parallel

Of how our lives are influenced

By an Unseen Hand…

Some welcome the influence

Yearn to draw it closer

To strive to feel the push and pull…

Some are caught off guard

Stretched to the limit

To attempt to believe the unseen…

Still others are like stone

Unable to feel its touch

It goes unheeded as if not there…

The evidence is all around

It is in the smallest grain of sand

To the brightest star in the sky…

We need just close our eyes

And quiet our minds

To feel His presence…

 

The Glistening Ray

Looking out the window

I watch the leaves dance

In the gentle breeze…

Moving to and fro

The shades of color shift

From dark to light and back again…

The sun’s rays make the leaves glow

Reflecting the rays like colored mirrors

The radiance adding depth to the color…

The rays permeate the trees

Cascading through the leaves

To dissipate into the depths…

My eyes are drawn back

To those top most leaves

Dancing with the rays of the sun…

Awake?!?!

The beauty of the sky

The myriad of colors

The sounds of life abound

Even with the ever ringing in the ears…

It is as if I had been in a lifetime slumber

My senses forever dulled

Reaching upwards for help

While overwhelmed in quicksand…

Illness strips us of the familiar

We are thrust into the unknown

Each step taken as with a blindfold

Hands outstretched groping in darkness…

Our medical teams struggle

Conditions and illnesses so misunderstood

Further muddled by myriad of symptoms

Each of us so different from the other…

We search for answers

Yet try as we might

We find health elusive

Stripped from us and locked away

Secreted in the darkest, farthest corner…

We are tried and tested in ways indescribable

As words are a shallow testament

To the inner symptoms that abound

Forever changing and challenging…

 

Homebound

Walls so familiar

Known by touch

As they prevent a fall

Become prison like

When confined for length of time…

There is safety here

Albeit superficial

As it cannot prevent dizziness

The hand holds are a comfort

To catch and to prevent harm…

Eyes unfocused

Through a thick veil of fog

I shuffle to my chair

Sunshine brightens the room…pexels-photo-48828

The warmth of the rays

Reaching through the window

Allow my mind’s eye

To envision the shore…

I hear the water

In the fast flowing stream

Rushing past, racing ahead

Free and untethered…

Wave upon wave has hit

Driving my backwards

The sun offers hope

Its warmth reassurance

As I slowly move ahead…

A knock on the door

The bright smile of a friend

The exchange of hugs

To sit and talk

The walls dissolve…

No longer a prison

The walls provide safety

To allow much needed rest

To help increase strength

Albeit slowly…

Mindset is recharged

Embracing the colors

The small buds on the trees

The retreating snow

A body at peace…

 

 

 

The Secret Within

The internal struggle

Forever raging within

The only thing for certain

Is the ever present pain…

Appearances are deceivingsun-beach-st-peter-obi-baltic-sea-163867

Just as a smile hides the truth

The outer shell is a disguise

Causing questioning glances…

The mirror betrays

Reinforcing a false narrative

And reinforcing the changes

A reminder of all that is lost…

Guided by our self knowledge

We do our bestTo follow the narrow path

Strewn with boulders and potholes…

No amount of care

Prevents the impacts upon us

The frustration our family and friends endure

Hurting those most close to us…

Our hidden conditions and illnesses

Attempt to rob us of all

Destroy our finances

Replace what is taken with isolation…

We utilize the tools we have

Each carrying his own set

Medication, exercise, meditation just a few

Combined with family and friend support…

We are united to others

Similar paths shared

A brave front we will show

As we fight an unseen enemy…

 

 

Nagging

Miriam-Webster’s definition “to irritate by constant scolding or urging”.

Now let us see, as we turn the mind’s eye inward,

I see the perfect parallel to our path with pain.

We are under the constant scourge

The overbearing pressure

With the constant knowing

That we are no longer in control.

It is not by our own volition

For we did not seek this fight

Nor did we ask for his assistance

Yet here we are, in league and alongside.

We are driven to depths unknown

We see and experience well beyond most

Yet we are driven to continue

To press forward, to endure.

Our path often misunderstood

For no-one except one of us

Can truly catch, or grasp, the meaning

Of our relationship with Pain.

For ours is a hidden path

One that is misunderstood

To bear what is cloaked

Unseen by the many.

We are charged to share

To shine, even a momentary light

To the hidden culprit

Who is urging us forward

Displaying our weakest moments to all.

It is our companion

Our ever present guide

Upon this path we did not seek

This that sets us a part from others.

It is our relationship with Pain

Our hidden struggle

That has forged a strong bond

No longer against….but with.

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