Embracing life with chronic pain and illnesses.

Posts tagged ‘prose’

Awake?!?!

The beauty of the sky

The myriad of colors

The sounds of life abound

Even with the ever ringing in the ears…

It is as if I had been in a lifetime slumber

My senses forever dulled

Reaching upwards for help

While overwhelmed in quicksand…

Illness strips us of the familiar

We are thrust into the unknown

Each step taken as with a blindfold

Hands outstretched groping in darkness…

Our medical teams struggle

Conditions and illnesses so misunderstood

Further muddled by myriad of symptoms

Each of us so different from the other…

We search for answers

Yet try as we might

We find health elusive

Stripped from us and locked away

Secreted in the darkest, farthest corner…

We are tried and tested in ways indescribable

As words are a shallow testament

To the inner symptoms that abound

Forever changing and challenging…

 

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Emotions

Below the surface

Threatening to erupt

writing-with-pen

The inevitable struggle

Whether recognized or not…

Why is there such stigma

An artificial wall per se

Associated with our feelings

That cause me to hide…

For some emotions are friends

The ability to interact

To easily express

I think you have a special gift…

To me the intensity

The incredible raw power

Harnessed within its grasp

I would rather not feel…

I channel in pieces

Through writing

The emotions that

Are churning within…

It’s Okay!

I awake in the early hours

To the throbbing and stabbing

Coursing through my body

I take leave to crawl into a hot bath

…It’s Okay!

As we watch a favorite program

Sleep overtakes me

Unable to keep eyes open

I have no strength to fight

…It’s Okay!

Plans are made

To spend time with friends

Nap taken and extra rest

Do not prevent a flare

…It’s Okay!

Apologies sent

No need for self doubt

There will be other chances

Our family and friends understand

…It’s Okay!

Hidden conditions are in control

Our bodies dictate actions

We are forced to be patient

To live within the invisible boundaries

…It’s Okay!

There are times we cry

We battle with frustration

We struggle with isolation

We wrestle with guilt

…It’s Okay!

We cry out to God

For His peace and comfort

We hold tightly onto our Faith

Knowing our path is fraught with boulders

…It’s Okay!

We deal with thick brain fog

With vision that can blur

Often unable to remember

Or use incorrect words

…It’s Okay!

 

Dry Tears

The incredible stabbing pain

Coursing through my groin

Burning as with flames

Eagerly licking the dry wood

Growing higher and hotter…

Thinking is muddled

As distraction is impossible 

No measure of stillness

No medication can calm

The overwhelming sensations…

I cannot hide the grimaces

Moans escape on their own

For I am not aware that I made them

As the searing knives slice my flesh

And the ice picks pierce through…

Tears are not falling

Dry eyes hide the truth

That which is hidden from sight

No image depicts the war

That wages within…

If only the pain 

Could be captured on X-ray or MRI

To be shown as the cruel dictator it is

The thief that has taken so much

Yet is never satisfied with its spoils…

To hope for a less painful tomorrow 

Not knowing what will come

Grasping for breath to attempt to dispel

The downward spiral 

Of a body out of control…

Wave Upon Wave

As the waves

Crash upon the shoreline11803762-sea-waves-breaking-on-the-rocks-stock-photo

So the waves

Of pain cascade throughout

Transforming every nerve

Into a volatile eruption

Senses overwhelmed

As spasms wrack an all ready tired frame…

Relentless crashing against the rocks

The waves continue to pound

As a hammer yet without mercy

Pounding and changing the shoreline

Demonstrating such power
As it rewrites the coast line

So with the intensity of pain

Every fibre of our being

Crying out…rather screaming

Albeit a silent scream

Unheard by human ears…1081-1242414452ggmy

Tide pools are hidden

As the waves come in

The tide ever rising

The sand disappearing

Its watery blanket

So the transmission of activity

Nerves not relentingThe grimace…the groan…

The feeling of weakness

The tears that well up

That refuse to fall

Release from the tight grip

Wishful thinking…forcing a bowed head

Prayers for relief

Just the slightest…please…

Waves continue

To batter the shore

The intensity will

It must refrain

This heightened level will not keep

As prayer for strength

To navigate this path…

Renewal

A new year approaches

Hopes and opportunities abound…

As the current year comes to an end

We look back at the many twists and turns…

The struggles that have made us stronger

The events that have brought us closer…

What will the new year bring?

No one knows for sure…

Yet our hearts are filled with hope

With light hearts and open eyes…

We embrace the start

Of a year not yet written…

It is a renewal of sorts

To take place on another stage…

The paths that will open before us

The mountains we will climb…

The challenges that await us

Along with the joys and laughter…

Our illnesses and conditions

Will continue to be with us…

As we continue our battle

Our eyes more alert, our resolve strengthened…

Let us take advantage of this new year

To choose to be positive…

To resolve to appreciate those dear to us

To take every opportunity to say “Thank You…

To embrace our loved ones and friends

To say “I love you” with sincerity…

To refrain from anger

Instead breath deeply and count to ten…

To really listen to what is being said

Rather than thinking of what we will say…

To pray with our entire being

Instead of uttering memorized words…

To share smiles and laughter

To not allow pain to be our master…

To be thankful for our life

To embrace each door opened by Heavenly Father…

Knowing that He is with us

Every step of our journey…

Remembering the scripture, Isaiah 40:31 KJV:

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”

We may not be able to walk far

We may be confined to our bed…

We may find ourselves fatigued

Unable to keep our eyes open…

Know that our spirit is renewed

Granted strength from Heavenly Father…

We can pray for those around us

We can lose ourself in reading the scriptures…

We can remember the trials of Job

And know that we are never alone…

So as this new year approaches

Let us each take pause…

 

To awake each day

With a thankful heart…

A Cross

A cross is more than a piece of jewelry. It is a sacred object to many Christians as it stands for the ultimate sacrifice…that of the only begotten Son of God, Jesus Christ. Upon that cross, he suffered and died…taking on all of our sins (past, present and future) as well as experiencing all pain and anguish.

Many choose to wear a cross…there are many reasons why.  A cross is worn to show our Faith in God…it is worn to remind us of Christ’s suffering…it is worn to remind us that we have been forgiven and now have a direct relationship with our Heavenly Father…it can be a treasured possession given to us at our baptism by a dear friend or close family member…whatever the reason…it holds a special meaning to the wearer.

I know that I wear a cross with an emerald in the center. I wear it because it reminds me that there is nothing that I will bear, be it pain, disappointment, setbacks, that Jesus Christ has not dealt with on a greater scale.  It reminds me that Heavenly Father will not test me beyond what I am able to bear through His strength. The emerald is for my Sister…a wonderful reminder that she is with Heavenly Father…looking down on us…praying for her loved ones and friends.

 

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