Embracing life with chronic pain.

Posts tagged ‘random thoughts’

Living with Hidden Conditions

The most difficult part of living with hidden illnesses/conditions like Fibromyalgia, Polyarthralgia, Chronic Pain Disorder, IBS, etc. is trying to describe our conditions to those close to us.  I created the attached PDF to demonstrate how complex these conditions and their associated symptoms are…

LivingwithHiddenIllness

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Irritable

The definition and synonyms per Dictionary.com are presented as follows:
ir·ri·ta·ble
adjective

having or showing a tendency to be easily annoyed or made angry.

“she was tired and irritable”
synonyms: bad-tempered, short-tempered, irascible, tetchy, testy, touchy, grumpy, grouchy, moody, crotchety, in a (bad) mood, cantankerous, bilious, curmudgeonly, ill-tempered, annoyed, cross, ill-humored, peevish, fractious, pettish, crabby, bitchy, waspish, prickly, splenetic, dyspeptic, choleric; More

  • MEDICINE
    (of a bodily part or organ) abnormally sensitive.
  • MEDICINE
    (of a condition) caused by abnormal sensitivity.

I have been praying and reading scripture while wrestling with this beast.  Many questions have come to mind:

  • Is this a “new to me” Fibro Flare symptom?
  • Is this the result of the intense stress of fighting for SS Disability (26 months to finally receive a “Favorable” decision)?
  • Is it the result of being overwhelmed emotionally due to the “Favorable” decision?
  • Is it a side effect of medication?
  • Is it the after effect of changing medication?
  • Is it the result of being home bound?
  • Is it the result of frustration that the simple act of riding in a vehicle for any amount of time triggers a Fibro Flare?
  • Is it from not getting enough sleep?

The questions could go on and on to other tangents as well. My attention span is close to nonexistent. I would liken it….to a young child…distractions are everywhere! The sights and sounds derail me all too easily.

All that is certain is that irritability is a foe!

 

The War Within

Just as the thick cloak of nightIMG_7978

Hides the shadow

My body belies the reality

Of the war raging within…

It is bejeweled by the glistening stars

Twinkling like diamonds

Forming well known constellations

Whose paths were set to motion eons ago…

The path of chronic pain is arduous

It tests us in ways unimaginable

It attacks physically, mentally, and emotionally

Showing no mercy and no predictability…

It taunts with images of yesterday

It teases with thoughts of “normalcy”

Reality check…pain is real…symptoms are real

Yesterday is our distant past…

The challenge now is to create

To embrace our limitations

This is our new reality

To embark upon a unique journey…

 

Shattered

cool wallpaper TheWallpaperDB.blogspot.com + (37)

Reaching for the glass

Watching as if in slow motion

As if it is happening to someone else

The trance is broken…

…shattered glass abounds

Trapped in a body

No longer my own

Every fibre fighting against itself

Overwhelming weakness and fatigue…

…shattered perspectives

Hopes and dreams

Forever changed

Day to day living

Is its own constant struggle…

…shattered aspirations

Witty comebacks

Balancing the checkbook

Speaking clearly and succinctly

The ability to multitask…

…shattered abilities

Incomplete and jumbled

I stare feeling frustrated

Simple tasks to most

My mind no longer comprehends…

…shattered mind

 

 

 

Conversation with Self on Fibro Brain

“Deodorant in second drawer…”

Absently looking into the mirror…

“Mmm…”

I slowly turn to leave the bathroom.

“Deodorant in second drawer…”

“Oh yes! I must brush my teeth!”

I turn back around

The early morning light

Cascading through the window.

I shuffle out the door…

“Oh yes! Must brush my teeth!”

I find myself in the bathroom again

My eyes happen upon the toothbrush

Hanging quietly, waiting…

“Oh man!”

Chills hit my body

Drawn to my reflection, again,

I forgot to put on my sweater!

I carefully navigate to the closet.

A glance around the bedroom

I smile as I move toward the bed

Reaching down to collect my soft fleece.

My mind is screaming,

“What did I need to do?”

A long, heavy sigh

I carefully put on the fleece

And begin my slow methodic walk

To my comfy recliner.

I stop part way down the hall,

Slowly shake my head

Another heavy sigh

As I continue to my recliner.

My body falls into the chair,

Feet up with body stabbing and throbbing

I pull the blanket over me;

Waiting for the worst of the pain

To ease enough to rest my aching body.

I find myself as if frozen in time,

“Oh man!! I forgot to put on deodorant!”

Blessings

I had the pleasure of having visitors yesterday.  Being primarily homebound, it truly brightens my day!  It provides contact when we are on the sidelines…it is a blessing to be taken out of the day-to-day normal.

During our conversation we talked about how school was going for our kids, they shared their struggles as families to adjust to the new schedules which now include sports activities, practice, homework.  Observing their dedication as wives and mothers, I was struck by a powerful thought…”Do they realize how blessed they are?”

I sat listening…mesmerized by thoughts of going to a HS Football game, driving kids to various activities, preparing family meals. It was like a movie playing out those words as images flew past…again the powerful thought…”Do they realize how blessed they are?”

My brain has been so very thick with brain fog or Fibro Fog that it is next to impossible to put words to my thoughts. It has been a huge challenge to speak…but I could not ignore the seed that had been planted.

I am compelled to share some of these blessings:

  • Having more than one child.  (Do not take this wrong…being a parent of an only child is a huge blessing also!)
  • Driving your children to activities. (It is truly amazing to be able to get into your car and go! No day before and day of resting and naps to have enough stamina…not to mention the required ability to focus.)
  • Preparing family meals. (This act takes SO much energy…only the simplest of meals is made in our household…and that is after hours of rest.)
  • Attending after school activities like a HS Football game. (This is a dream…to be able  to drive to the game…to walk to the bleachers…to sit and cheer.)

What can appear to us as routine, mundane or hectic is often a blessing in disguise. It can take losing one’s health to fully realize the every day blessings that surround us.

The Glistening Ray

Looking out the window

I watch the leaves dance

In the gentle breeze…

Moving to and fro

The shades of color shift

From dark to light and back again…

The sun’s rays make the leaves glow

Reflecting the rays like colored mirrors

The radiance adding depth to the color…

The rays permeate the trees

Cascading through the leaves

To dissipate into the depths…

My eyes are drawn back

To those top most leaves

Dancing with the rays of the sun…

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