I must say that I cannot believe what I am experiencing at this time! I never believed that I would be where I am today.
So many years….so much pain…..so much struggle!
I have given many body parts! LOL (Part of my lower intestine, sygmoid colon, anus, uterus, ovaries…..) Yet…..now….finally…there seems to be a pause….a stillness.
I feel strength…..I feel refreshed…..I know that I have been blessed with tomorrow!
I am now completely enjoying the time that I have with my husband and son! I am able to work as required…and able to enjoy the time with my family.
I am so blessed to now be able to focus on us! On our family! I am not having to negate….to waive off…..to give in to pain……
I know that the typical person cannot understand……..I can only say to those….my dear friends who are still struggling…..there is an end! The struggle…the pain…..the horrendous pain……will end!
I do not profess to know the future…….I am not saying that my path is yet done…..I just know that I have been granted a blessed reprieve…..an opportunity to spend another hunting season with my husband and son! To teach…..to share….to impart to those around us.
Strength is coming back….I still struggle with attempting too much! I am working at pacing myself…not overdoing. I am exercising……lifting weights (within reason)….strengthening abs……more time yet to get to where I want to be. Yet..now I am working on that new path.
To my precious friends who are struggling…….the path is long and hard for us! Yet! It will come to an end! It will end in the opportunity to participate….to totally be with our loved ones!
I am SO amazed…..SO excited…SO thankful!!!! We are settling in to a new year. My body which was once my worst adversary is now a friend! WOW!!!!
Working full-time, helping with the Den Meetings and my new task, assisting with WBF (Wednesday night Church class for our young)…….my body is handling it! I just have to have one day a week to relax…..
As a family, we are out shooting…out at the range today! (YEAH!) Preparing for the upcoming black-tailed deer season! For those that don’t hunt…..this is how we feed our family. I do not buy beef products at the store. We eat what we hunt and take ourselves. (I am one of those that gets sick from beef….body doesn’t process/digest well….wild game is it.)
I prefer this. I like knowing exactly where our food is coming from. As a family, we work together in the processing of our meat. Our son appreciates what we eat. He knows we have worked hard to obtain this. He appreciates where our food comes from.
I don’t mean to preach! I know that there truly are people who just think our food comes from the supermarket. I mean no disrespect…yet it blows me away…that we have come so far that we have forgotten……or better yet….choose to not educate our young about the true cycle.
Our son sees that we appreciate the life around us….God has blessed us! He watches as we pursue our prey……he knows that I will only take old bucks! (My mind is on how much food I can bring home to the family.) Our son knows this….he has seen us celebrate the life of of the buck or elk that we have taken…..he has seen how we give respect to this animal that is now providing us with life. He gets it!
I am so ready to participate in another cycle! This wonderful cycle that is our life! I was unable to hunt last year….so my husband and son worked hard to put meat on the table….now I am so excited! I get to assist! We will be able to work together! We will be working on filling the freezer for next year!
I am just beyond words…still! I can only say that I have so much appreciation, respect and thankfulness to my doctors who have worked so hard with me!
This last week was like a dream come true! I was able to work……then attend a teacher meeting (I will be an assistant teacher on Wednesday night’s for our son’s church class)………the next day I attended the den leader/parent meeting for scouts…..immediately followed by meeting to help with the computerized set up of the pinewood derby for a scout fundraiser………Friday night found us all trying to trouble shoot and make sure all was ready for the scout fundraise……Saturday found us working the fundraiser from 9 AM to 2 PM…..a short break (enough time to shower and eat)…then off to Saturday Mass where we had volunteered to work the bake sale!
I was able to sleep in until 7 AM this morning…..then after fixing breakfast…..we headed out to shoot for a couple of hours! Once home…I had to bake bread and bake cookies for the week ahead! Even managed a trip to the grocery store!
Before dinner I was able to throw the football with my hubby and son!
I am at a loss for words! For those that have struggled with illness…..especially a long term type illness…..I am just unable to describe the feelings I am experiencing!
Yes…..I am participating! I am giving back with all I can! I am so thankful for life…..for my wonderful husband….for my son! For the opportunity to help those around us!
We are outdoor enthusiasts….we love to fish and to hunt…..I really enjoy both! We also enjoy taking time to just go out and shoot our guns. With my health issues and surgeries, I have been on the sidelines….my husband and son have been able to enjoy shooting….shooting clay pigeons and rabbits….along with just target practice.
I have been anxiously awaiting the day that I could join them. And…today was the day! It was my first chance to shoot clay rabbits and pigeons……it was AWESOME!!!! I was able to hit quite a few clay rabbits…..and even got a few of the clay pigeons! This was my first experience with the clay thrower my hubby and son have been using.
It was fantastic! Just cannot begin to describe how invigorated…..how energized I was after spending that time today. WOW! I am really looking forward to hunting season this year! I will be able to get out….to walk and navigate without the constant pain.
This is now my second week of working full-time and keeping up with my family! I was able to attend (and help out!) at our son’s Cub Scout Pancake Breakfast fundraiser….this is the first one I have ever been able to attend! (This is now his 4th year!!!!)
That said…yes…I was tired and my tummy was sore. Saturday afternoon was low-key…..on Sunday I again had to lay low.
Now it is Tuesday! I have worked full busy days…and had a enough energy to enjoy some time with family after work. I know that I am definitely moving forward! It is so nice to get home from work and think…”boy…I could work with my exercise ball”!
My co-worker asked me today how I was doing….asked me if I was tired of not feeling 100 percent. All I could do was smile and say “I am feeling so good! The few twinges or tiredness of my tummy does not even register”!!
I am relaxing at the end of a busy weekend……my mind questions if this is truly still Saturday! So much has happened! Our son was able to go to a sleep over (complete with the extras he needs due to his No Dairy diet — soy cheese for the pizza that will be prepared, Chocolate Almond Milk and homemade cookies — that will be the substitute since he won’t get to have the birthday goodies).
I am excited that I could coordinate with his friend’s Mom…..advise her of his dietary needs and let her know what I would supply to offset.
He had such a great time! They stayed up way too late (of course)! What else would you expect from a group of young boys! Then it was off to the next birthday celebration! This one at one of our local recreation areas.
It was awesome! Yes…it rained at times…that didn’t deter the kids who just kept playing tag, frisbee or running the trails around the picnic area. We parents were under the gazebo watching the kids…..playing with reckless abandon! Nothing was deterring them from enjoying their time together….and all they could ask was if they could go swimming!
Great food….great time visiting! Piñata for the kids…..then of course…time in the water! (Even with clouds overhead….and our son shivering before even getting in the water!) No way was I going to dampen his enthusiasm!
This was the first birthday party we have been able to stay at and enjoy! I am still blown away that we did not have to leave within the first hour. We were able to enjoy time with friends (who are family)!
Sitting now…..relaxing……I am just overwhelmed by this road that I have been on……through all its twists and turns…..the ups and downs…..the heartache of not being able to participate…..the frustration of having to always leave early (if go at all)……WOW!
This weekend has been tremendous! Not just for me…..all of us! I may be very tired…..and I may tire easily for some time to come……..right now…..I am on top of the world! I felt “normal”…..we were able to participate and enjoy time with those we care for!
We are all going to sleep well tonight!
As I sit in my recliner, relaxing after 5 hours of work at the office (yes….worked an extra hour), I listen to the pounding of the hammer. My husband and son are outside working on the pheasant coop. Walls are going up…..the roosting area is taking shape.
I can close my eyes and visualize the process. Each board carefully measured….then assembled….raised into place for the addition of the siding.
I hear a smaller hammer. That is my son hammering the plastic stakes in the ground to help secure the fencing. The extra protection for the pheasants….to protect them from predators….
I listened to my body when it was saying “time to go”. Yes…that was at the 4 hour mark today. I listened. I negotiated! I quietly pleaded to complete one more small task….to complete the training I was in the midst of.
I just opened the door to hear the sound of the roaring ocean. I know that means the sea is rough! Although we are close….within 1 mile of the ocean (direct as the crow flies), we normally cannot hear it. When the sea is rough, we can open the door or window and listen…..listen to the roar of the waves crashing along the shoreline.
Windows open I can listen to the occasional car or truck that goes by. I can hear a neighbor’s dog barking. I can hear birds chirping….especially in the morning.
This long term battle with my health has taught me to listen. In a much more acute way than I can express…..only those that have endured….have battled for their health can truly understand.
What illness has taught me is the importance of being still….of listening. By being observant….by learning to hear every sound….those from outside and those within, we grow. We also learn how best to channel what we learn to those around us.
And the best part of listening? I can participate with the world….with my husband..my son….even if my body won’t allow me to be there physically. I am there in mind and spirit.
After my rest….I will go sit in the chair my son has carefully placed so that I can watch their progress while listening to the roar of the sea and the occasional car that goes by.