Embracing life with chronic pain.

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

Laser Focus

Beware of the steady focus on pain alone

For pain is not the only symptom we battle

Yet pain’s voice can be the loudest

Blaring over all others…

Or worse yet, swallowing them into itself

The headache, the abdominal cramps, the stabbing in the feet

Forced to feed into the great voice called Pain…

Those with softer voices yet carrying horrifying weapons of their own

Like bloating, muscle spasms, brain fog, blurry vision, burning sensations

Are carried away on pain’s current, and its need to be in the forefront…

We must remember each one of our conditions

For each one carries its own set of symptoms

Oftentimes overlapping thus covering up the condition responsible…

This masking and blurring, often made worse by our medications

Further weakens the voices the need to be heard and understood

To better assist us in dealing with what condition is truly at the front…

While remembering that each day, each moment

We have no control…none whatsoever…except how we deal with the voices

Attempting to listen harder so that we might better strike at the source…

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Blessings

I had the pleasure of having visitors yesterday.  Being primarily homebound, it truly brightens my day!  It provides contact when we are on the sidelines…it is a blessing to be taken out of the day-to-day normal.

During our conversation we talked about how school was going for our kids, they shared their struggles as families to adjust to the new schedules which now include sports activities, practice, homework.  Observing their dedication as wives and mothers, I was struck by a powerful thought…”Do they realize how blessed they are?”

I sat listening…mesmerized by thoughts of going to a HS Football game, driving kids to various activities, preparing family meals. It was like a movie playing out those words as images flew past…again the powerful thought…”Do they realize how blessed they are?”

My brain has been so very thick with brain fog or Fibro Fog that it is next to impossible to put words to my thoughts. It has been a huge challenge to speak…but I could not ignore the seed that had been planted.

I am compelled to share some of these blessings:

  • Having more than one child.  (Do not take this wrong…being a parent of an only child is a huge blessing also!)
  • Driving your children to activities. (It is truly amazing to be able to get into your car and go! No day before and day of resting and naps to have enough stamina…not to mention the required ability to focus.)
  • Preparing family meals. (This act takes SO much energy…only the simplest of meals is made in our household…and that is after hours of rest.)
  • Attending after school activities like a HS Football game. (This is a dream…to be able  to drive to the game…to walk to the bleachers…to sit and cheer.)

What can appear to us as routine, mundane or hectic is often a blessing in disguise. It can take losing one’s health to fully realize the every day blessings that surround us.

Week One — Cymbalta Free

What a whirlwind this past week has been! I have experienced electric shocks and electric zaps (a slow-motion form of the fast shocks), intense nausea, insomnia followed by sleeping all day –unable to wake, thick brain fog, inability to use the correct words when attempting to speak…not to mention the symptoms of my conditions thrown into the mix!!

Yesterday was the worst for pain that I have ever experienced. Yes…you read that right!  Mere words cannot relay the reality, yet I must try.  It is SO important that we know and absolutely believe that we are not alone in dealing with our hidden illnesses/conditions.

Yesterday brought tears to me eyes, truly crying because the pain was so extensive, so overbearing, so excruciating. Every single inch of my body was screaming at the top of its lungs: exaggerated pain from touch (clothing, slight breeze from the ceiling fan), Tinnitus volume turned up on high, stabbing and throbbing sensations coursing up and down my legs.  It was hard to differentiate from the symptoms of my Fibromyalgia/Polyarthralgia/Chronic Pain Disorder/Neuralgia/IBS-D/etc. and those produced by the absence of the Cymbalta.

This morning brought a huge sigh of relief!  There is a true difference in my body today.  I am experiencing the symptoms of my conditions…albeit they are still higher than my “normal”, would be categorized as a “Fibro Flare”…yet I feel that they will slowly settle…settle enough for my Pain Specialist to make further adjustments as needed to my pain pump.

What a rough ride! I am sure that I will still have some issues arise, however, it is uplifting to know that the first week following the last dosage is the most difficult. One step at a time…one day at a time.

 

The Brain on Fibro

Those of us with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain Disorder, Neuralgia and the like are dealt quite a handful of symptoms.  The quantity of symptoms as well as the intensity vary from person to person.  Although our conditions manifest differently, we can each relate having experienced the intense “Fibro Brain”…

Examples of “Fibro Brain” or “Brain Fog” that I have experienced:

  • Forgetting what I was just told.
  • Walking into a room, not remembering what I was doing.
  • Forgetting to brush my teeth.
  • Unable to find the dog brush, even though I thought for certain I put it away in the correct drawer.
  • Walking to the bathroom and forgetting what I needed to do.
  • Losing my phone…then finding I had placed it on the bed.
  • Sitting down and realizing that I need to brush my teeth.
  • Grabbing the lotion instead of the hair gel to put in my hair.
  • Using the conditioner as shampoo.
  • Using the shampoo as conditioner.
  • Unable to focus for even a few minutes.
  • Unable to watch a movie at a Theatre.
  • Forgetting the note on my phone when at the doctor.
  • Unable to find the batteries when staring right at them.
  • Looking for my glasses (when they are on).
  • Using the wrong name for items.
  • Standing at the shower entrance and not knowing what to do next.

Of course, these are just a few of the many frustrating things that we deal with when we have Brain Fog.  I find that the best thing to do is just smile or laugh…then do what you remember you needed to do!

 

The Unseen Hand

IMG_7697The leaves shimmer

Moving up and down

Reflecting the brilliance of the sun…

Suddenly the branches join in

The smallest of movements

Grow into waves…

The hammock begins to sway

Gentle movements encouraged

By the unseen power of the wind…

My mind is drawn to a parallel

Of how our lives are influenced

By an Unseen Hand…

Some welcome the influence

Yearn to draw it closer

To strive to feel the push and pull…

Some are caught off guard

Stretched to the limit

To attempt to believe the unseen…

Still others are like stone

Unable to feel its touch

It goes unheeded as if not there…

The evidence is all around

It is in the smallest grain of sand

To the brightest star in the sky…

We need just close our eyes

And quiet our minds

To feel His presence…

 

The Glistening Ray

Looking out the window

I watch the leaves dance

In the gentle breeze…

Moving to and fro

The shades of color shift

From dark to light and back again…

The sun’s rays make the leaves glow

Reflecting the rays like colored mirrors

The radiance adding depth to the color…

The rays permeate the trees

Cascading through the leaves

To dissipate into the depths…

My eyes are drawn back

To those top most leaves

Dancing with the rays of the sun…

A Father’s Memory

I recently relayed a story to a friend of mine. Immediately following she asked if I had written about it on my blog yet…

A couple of weeks ago I received a phone call from my parents which was earlier than they would normally call.  Of course, I was concerned that something was wrong so instead of answering the phone, “Hi There”….it was more like, “What’s wrong Mom?”.  She quickly reassured me that nothing was wrong.  She said that Dad had something he had to tell me.

With a huge sigh of relief, I waited for my Dad to come on the line.  (Dad, if you are reading this…forgive me for my summarization!)

“Good Morning, Stace! I was reminded of something that was too long to text you about.  It was when we were living in Gladstone; and, you were a toddler.  Every day that I would come home from work, I would poke my head over the fence and hear you squealing…then you would come running, smiling and squealing to me.  That was the best part of my day!”

What a great way to start the day….and what a great memory to hear my Dad share.

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