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The Brain on Fibro

Those of us with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain Disorder, Neuralgia and the like are dealt quite a handful of symptoms.  The quantity of symptoms as well as the intensity vary from person to person.  Although our conditions manifest differently, we can each relate having experienced the intense “Fibro Brain”…

Examples of “Fibro Brain” or “Brain Fog” that I have experienced:

  • Forgetting what I was just told.
  • Walking into a room, not remembering what I was doing.
  • Forgetting to brush my teeth.
  • Unable to find the dog brush, even though I thought for certain I put it away in the correct drawer.
  • Walking to the bathroom and forgetting what I needed to do.
  • Losing my phone…then finding I had placed it on the bed.
  • Sitting down and realizing that I need to brush my teeth.
  • Grabbing the lotion instead of the hair gel to put in my hair.
  • Using the conditioner as shampoo.
  • Using the shampoo as conditioner.
  • Unable to focus for even a few minutes.
  • Unable to watch a movie at a Theatre.
  • Forgetting the note on my phone when at the doctor.
  • Unable to find the batteries when staring right at them.
  • Looking for my glasses (when they are on).
  • Using the wrong name for items.
  • Standing at the shower entrance and not knowing what to do next.

Of course, these are just a few of the many frustrating things that we deal with when we have Brain Fog.  I find that the best thing to do is just smile or laugh…then do what you remember you needed to do!

 

The Unseen Hand

IMG_7697The leaves shimmer

Moving up and down

Reflecting the brilliance of the sun…

Suddenly the branches join in

The smallest of movements

Grow into waves…

The hammock begins to sway

Gentle movements encouraged

By the unseen power of the wind…

My mind is drawn to a parallel

Of how our lives are influenced

By an Unseen Hand…

Some welcome the influence

Yearn to draw it closer

To strive to feel the push and pull…

Some are caught off guard

Stretched to the limit

To attempt to believe the unseen…

Still others are like stone

Unable to feel its touch

It goes unheeded as if not there…

The evidence is all around

It is in the smallest grain of sand

To the brightest star in the sky…

We need just close our eyes

And quiet our minds

To feel His presence…

 

The Glistening Ray

Looking out the window

I watch the leaves dance

In the gentle breeze…

Moving to and fro

The shades of color shift

From dark to light and back again…

The sun’s rays make the leaves glow

Reflecting the rays like colored mirrors

The radiance adding depth to the color…

The rays permeate the trees

Cascading through the leaves

To dissipate into the depths…

My eyes are drawn back

To those top most leaves

Dancing with the rays of the sun…

A Father’s Memory

I recently relayed a story to a friend of mine. Immediately following she asked if I had written about it on my blog yet…

A couple of weeks ago I received a phone call from my parents which was earlier than they would normally call.  Of course, I was concerned that something was wrong so instead of answering the phone, “Hi There”….it was more like, “What’s wrong Mom?”.  She quickly reassured me that nothing was wrong.  She said that Dad had something he had to tell me.

With a huge sigh of relief, I waited for my Dad to come on the line.  (Dad, if you are reading this…forgive me for my summarization!)

“Good Morning, Stace! I was reminded of something that was too long to text you about.  It was when we were living in Gladstone; and, you were a toddler.  Every day that I would come home from work, I would poke my head over the fence and hear you squealing…then you would come running, smiling and squealing to me.  That was the best part of my day!”

What a great way to start the day….and what a great memory to hear my Dad share.

Awake?!?!

The beauty of the sky

The myriad of colors

The sounds of life abound

Even with the ever ringing in the ears…

It is as if I had been in a lifetime slumber

My senses forever dulled

Reaching upwards for help

While overwhelmed in quicksand…

Illness strips us of the familiar

We are thrust into the unknown

Each step taken as with a blindfold

Hands outstretched groping in darkness…

Our medical teams struggle

Conditions and illnesses so misunderstood

Further muddled by myriad of symptoms

Each of us so different from the other…

We search for answers

Yet try as we might

We find health elusive

Stripped from us and locked away

Secreted in the darkest, farthest corner…

We are tried and tested in ways indescribable

As words are a shallow testament

To the inner symptoms that abound

Forever changing and challenging…

 

Patience

As day nine post pain pump surgery begins, it strikes me that my pain specialist really did a great job in preparing me for this! I truly was ready to be homebound for the first two weeks. I was mentally ready to be patient with the process! What a thought!!

My thoughts are still muddled at times…very hard to keep on track. Yet…I can just smile and breath deeply…there is nothing that I have to do…except allow my body the time to heal….allow the scar tissue to build near the pain pump and the catheter.

I am able to step outside now…slowly and carefully with my walker. I do not venture very far…it is just a few steps to feel the touch of the sun on my skin…feel the slight breeze…see the brilliant colors! This is a treat that I enjoy once a day…in the mid morning. It is perfectly timed between rest breaks.

I am thankful that I am able to listen to my body…to sleep when I need to…to relax in my recliner (sitting in the chair…cannot put the foot rest up yet).  My chair is just high and firm enough that I can get to a standing position with my walker as support. I know that I am not yet ready to sit or lie down on the couch.

I am getting anxious for my follow up appointment…I am excited to hear the plan my pain specialist has in mind…it will be interesting to see just how easy it is to remain patient! : )

One Week Post Op

Hopefully I will not scare any of you!  LOL

I thought it appropriateIMG_7560 to post proof that sleep can happen!  Thus the wonderful “bed head” picture!

I have almost no memory of yesterday. It was one of those days that sleep overtook everything.

I did exactly what my body demanded and curled up in bed. I did not even think of combatting the heavy eyelids.

It was actually very freeing to just give in and allow my body to dictate its needs.

I am so thankful for a supportive husband and son that allow me to completely disconnect when my body demands it.

Per conversation with my doctor’s office, I am to continue taking it easy…moving about the house as I can…no bending, twisting, lifting, stretching. All is still looking good under the binder…swelling in lowest part of abdomen present…not nearly like before in other procedures.

At my follow up appointment, we will remove the tape and bandages…and at some point thereafter will be allowed to take a shower! I am thankful that our home is so well prepared for handicap…the bathroom counter is taller than normal….so it is easier to wet hair down.

It is important to make sure you have someone around! No matter how careful you are you will end up dropping something!  LOL  And…believe me…there is NO way to pick it up without asking for help.

At this point, I am better able to tell the difference from the surgical discomfort vs. the symptoms of my conditions.  The surgical discomfort is SO minimal!  Yet, it is just enough to be a constant reminder to be extra vigilant.

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