Embracing life with chronic pain and illnesses.

Posts tagged ‘religion’

Nightly Prayer

I can feel your presence

After praying or struggling with thoughts

That peace that surrounds like a warm blanket

Calming and allowing for some sleep.

Images will come to mind

Flashes from moments in the past

Pictures from life on canvas

Reassurance of the path now treading.

Realizing that this experience will help others

Praying for the lives that will be touched

A quiet peace prevails during turmoil

I just instinctively hold tight to my rock.

We have our thoughts about our path

The direction we intend our lives to go.

Yet God often has something else in mind

So embrace His direction and be thankful.

A Golden Hue

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As I lie in bed

A soft glow comes from the ceiling

It resembled an oak tree near a building…

The building shimmered as the golden light

Glinted off the bronzed and gold accents

Ricochetting casting the light into the tree…

The leaves accented with this soft light

Every detail striking as if in full 3D

The branches a deep gold color…

The texture of the bark

The drizzle of light coming off the leaves

I find myself reaching up…just wanting to touch…

The image fades

My mind is left to reflect

The golden hues shared with me this morning….

Life Changes with Fibro

The most difficult challenge with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain Disorder, Neuralgia and the many other hidden conditions/illnesses that plague us, is the reality of how our lives change.

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Photo by burak kostak on Pexels.com

As I have written in the past, we do go through a mourning process….just like when a loved one dies.  It was very helpful for me to review the 7 Steps of Grief…not that it makes it easier…it reinforced the fact that I was not “going crazy”.

I was SO unprepared for the realities that would come with my Fibro and other conditions.  My Faith, family, friends, and medical team have been lifelines as I have traveled along this narrow and twisted path.

  • Loss of Job — I could no longer physically or mentally function in a productive manner.  (I have learned to take advantage of those moments when the “brain fog” lifts ever so slightly.)
  • Pursuing Disability — This turned out to be very long, challenging, and stressful.  In my case with Fibromyalgia and Neuralgia (without a known cause), it took over 30 months.
  • Financial Implications — Such a long wait for Disability drained our reserves, and forced more dependence upon credit. Slowly and steadily we are turning the tide.
  • Divorce — The reality of the rift that had developed. My son and I are on our own. This transition to being a single parent has been rough.
  • Driving Assistance — I am so thankful for the friends I have who take joy in driving me to my injections when needed.  So glad that these tend to be about 3-4 month intervals!

 

Silence

As the snow deepens

The silence grows

As if time is standing still…

My mind is refreshed

As this quiet seeps to my core

Banishing all doubts and fears…

The clanging in my body

Fights the stillness found within

I close my eyes to return to the calm…

The falling snow builds

My mind again quiets

The screaming in my body subsides…

Such a blessing is granted

To reaffirm Faith that is tested

My soul is stirred…

Loss

As my body calms from the latest Fibro Flare with additional infections that I am prone to have, I am riding an emotional roller coaster.

I know that I am not alone…

We arise each day to slight differences in our symptoms. Our hidden illnesses and conditions exacerbate our pollen/tree/etc. allergies, or rather overly sensitivity to said allergies.  The beauty of Spring comes full during May…flowers, trees with blossoms, bees buzzing, birds chirping…

I am hit with emotions…

April is coming to a close…May is on the horizon.

I used to find myself reminded of the short rhyme — “April showers bring May flowers”…this is especially true of the Pacific Northwest.  I look out the window to see the snow loosing its grip on the mountain and see the many buds on the trees outside.  Yes, May is approaching quickly…too quickly…

This roller coaster of emotions is not new…it has changed over time…it will continue to impact in different ways.

I am not alone in feeling this sense of loss…raw emotion…tears welling…memories are stirred…

I do not want to be reminded…

I could feel your presence yesterday afternoon…I was given the greatest relief of my stresses/worries. I was powerfully overwhelmed by the greatest peace. I had to smile! I could hear my sister’s voice… “You are such a Dork!  Remember that you handed the keys to God. Now step back and listen.”

You always knew what to say…accented of course by the eye roll…or the slight throw back of the head…

We will relive those emotions associated with our loss and Heaven’s gain…

We will each celebrate the memory of your life…my dearest sister, Carrie Murray…while we embrace those close to us.

Love you, forever and always, Sis!

Let’s Own It

Here’s to all of you with chronic illnesses and conditions! During this latest flare (Fibromyalgia, Polyarthralgia, Piriformis Syndrome, IBS-C) plus additional infections (bacterial vaginosis and yeast infection), I looked at myself in the mirror and simply said:

“I am going to make sick look good!”

My chronic conditions have taken enough! I will embrace my “new” fragile self and continue to thank God every day for his strength and courage to allow Him to be seen through my weaknesses.

Rain Brings…

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Rain brings an increase in temperatures

As it washes snow off the lava…

Rain brings the wind blowing the tree limbs

While cascading the water down the glass…

Rain brings the storm from the Northwest

As it batters the roof and races down gutters…

Rain brings increased ringing in my ears

Drowning out external sounds with its deafening pitch…

Rain brings the joint pain out of remission

Removing the relief of the higher elevation…

Rain brings elevated pain levels

As my body screams out for it to end…

 

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