Embracing life with chronic pain.

Posts tagged ‘sibling death’

Love

My Sis was blessed with knowing true love before her sudden death. She was SO lucky….SO blessed to have someone who loved her (still loves her) for who she is!

I am SO thankful that she enjoyed her life! That she was able to enjoy life with her beloved. 

Each of us dreams…hopes…to be accepted and loved for who we are….to be loved without question…accepted for who we are. 

Yet…we are often not so “lucky”!  We find ourselves in a relationship in which the one we love does not feel the same…or we find ourselves in a situation where the one we love is not the person we thought he/she was…the latter can most certainly include abuse of all sorts. 

My Sis was able to live and to experience something SO special!

I pray that she can reach beyond the veil and gently touch her Beloved and those close to her….reassuring them of her love…her tenderness….

And of God’s love…..to help heal the deep, aching hurt….the loneliness….the emptiness that remains without her physical presence. 

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Thinking of You, Sis!

Version 2  This is such a fun picture of my Baby Sis and I!  She had the most brilliant blue eyes and quick smile!  I am so glad that our son has those brilliant blue eyes!

I am reminded of all the phone calls….the texts…..the visits!  So many wonderful memories!

Miss you Sis!  Love you forever!  I know that you are watching over us!

CLOUDS ARE MY MIRROR

Today…the clouds in the sky mirror the shadow over my heart….it is one of those days….where I feel the grief of losing my Sis.  I have been listening to a CD my brother had given me years ago…..Meatloaf……and one of the songs from the “Bat Out of Hell 2” CD really struck me….”The Future Just Ain’t What It Used to Be”….

It is no wonder that my IBS, Fibromyalgia and Polyarthralgia are raging…..I am still…..just as all those so close to my Sis are….dealing….coping…..working through the tremendous emotional roller coaster that we find ourselves on…..the future is no longer the same….today is no longer the same…..

We are thrust into a present that is not what we thought of….it does not fit into our hopes….our dreams….our wants….our desires…..yet….we must continue on….continue pushing forward…..continue working through the grief….

It is SUCH a hard path!  Yet….we each must learn to live in this new reality….where “The Future Ain’t What It Used to Be”….we must…..must keep pressing ahead….taking those steps….knowing that there will be many times that we stumble….fall down….slide backward……

We will experience the wonder of the bright blue sky like I did yesterday…..then have a cloudy day like I am having today…..and yes….there are those days that are like a Thunderstorm….when the torrent of emotions just takes control and the tears flow……

All of this helps us to navigate this new reality…..it is a ROUGH adjustment….

I can only close my eyes….or just speak out loud to my Sis……as I sit and attempt to rest…..while reeling in a tempest of emotion.

Pain

It has been three days since we took our flight to celebrate the life of my Baby Sis with her law firm. Today was my first appointment with my Rheumatologist…..

Yes…you can see where this is going! A LOT of poking and prodding….blood work….X-rays….next Tuesday will be ultrasounds of my hands and feet. 

I am anxious! In a couple of weeks should have a much better idea of what I am up against. 

In the meantime…..OUCH!!!  All symptoms are FLARING….more than usual!! It is so hard to try to relax in my recliner….you know the drill….no comfortable position….aching so deep that I am sick to my stomach. 

Pain is so intense today. I can only hope for tomorrow….and dream of slight relief which will hopefully come.

Don’t get me wrong. I would NOT undo our trip. It was important that I be there…..the look of relief and comfort on her Secretary’s face made it all worth it!  The hugs….sharing….more time spent honoring such a wonderful, special young woman!

I know that I have a long road ahead of me. Yet I can feel my beautiful Sis’s smile….I am finally getting all the medical care that my truly, totally messed up body needs!

The Kindness of Strangers!

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Our son had his first plane ride……went to Portland, OR to join my Sis’ Law Firm (pictured above) in Celebrating her life.  It was important to them that we family members attend.  This of course is awesome!

They celebrated with the slide show our brother had put together….along with some of her favorite foods!  We enjoyed each other’s company….a lot of wonderful stories were shared.

After the busy weekend, my body was, of course, REALLY acting up!  I am SO thankful to the Delta staff who took such good care of us!  Assisting me with my wheelchair….and being so kind and attentive!

We had to switch planes on the way home at Salt Lake City.  My son, who is an incredible help!  (He was taking such good care of me….watching out for me!)  He was kind enough to wheel me as close as possible to the women’s restroom. Then a wonderful, kind stranger offered me her arm!  She just came up beside me as I was attempting to make my way while touching the wall….”May I help you?”  With such a huge smile. So kind!  Then she also helped me get to the sink to wash my hands before allowing me to use her arm to lean on to get back to my chair.

This wonderful lady demonstrated an act of kindness that was (and is) so appreciated!  My energy had been spent on the wonderful time spent with family.

Our trip home was made comfortable by the many kind acts of so many strangers!  Each one assisting with a smile….

I am SO thankful for these many kindnesses!

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