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Posts tagged ‘thoughts’

Now for the Difficult Step!

If you have been reading my blogs lately, I have been writing about my pain pump and the journey to get off oral medications.  (NOTE: I know that I will have some form of oral medication when all is said and done for flares not controlled by the pump.) I am making great success with my oral pain meds….am only using the short acting form during the day.

This past Friday, I started what will be the most difficult step…the process of getting off ofimages Cymbalta! I say this because of my “cold turkey” experience with this powerful medication; and, I know that, even with my doctors involved with this, I will most likely deal with some of those nasty symptoms.

My doctor reduced my dose from 60 mg to 30 mg.  I will be taking one pill per day for two weeks, then I will take one pill every other day for another two weeks.  After that, I will be Cymbalta free.  (At least, that is the plan!!!)

Today my body is a mess (legs stabbing/throbbing, upper right side is on burning, IBS-D is flaring –cramping and knots, extreme Fibro Fog, etc.) as it starts adjusting to a lower dose. Also doing my best to time my short acting pain med to offset the increased pain.

Thank You, St. Jude

Jude, also known as Judas Thaddaeus, was one of the Twelve Apostles of Jesus.

He preached the Gospel with great passion, often in the most difficult circumstances. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, he made profound differences in people’s lives as he offered them the Word of God.

The Gospel tells us that St. Jude was a brother of St. James the Less, also one of the Apostles. They are described in Matthew as the “brethren” of Jesus, probably cousins.

St-Jude-9-205x300St. Jude is traditionally depicted carrying the image of Jesus in his hand. This recalls oneof his miracles during his work spreading the Word of God.
King Abagar of Edessa asked Jesus to cure him of leprosy and sent an artist to bring him a drawing of Jesus. Impressed with Abagar’s great faith, Jesus pressed His face on a cloth, leaving the image of His face on it. He gave the cloth to St. Jude, who took the image to Abagar and cured him.

In the Catholic Church, St. Jude is the Patron Saint of Hope and impossible causes. Those who are in despair or distraught over finances or other circumstance in life are encouraged to ask St. Jude to pray for them.

Like so many times in the past, I can be too stubborn for my own good! LOL  I finally came to my senses when we were in nasty financial situation. My husband, who is self-employed, did not have work lined up and the monthly bills looming. (I am still battling for my disability, of course! At least a Hearing date has been set!!)

I asked St. Jude to pray for our financial situation.  As soon as I finished speaking to him, I heard my husband answer his phone.  He was headed out the door for a job.  The work has continued and is continuing for him.  We will be able to pay our bills this month thanks to the prayers said on our behalf by St. Jude!

Just as our friends and family pray for us, the Saints are there to speak to and to ask for their prayers as well! I now thank St. Jude each day before asking for his continued prayers.

The Brain on Fibro

Those of us with Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pain Disorder, Neuralgia and the like are dealt quite a handful of symptoms.  The quantity of symptoms as well as the intensity vary from person to person.  Although our conditions manifest differently, we can each relate having experienced the intense “Fibro Brain”…

Examples of “Fibro Brain” or “Brain Fog” that I have experienced:

  • Forgetting what I was just told.
  • Walking into a room, not remembering what I was doing.
  • Forgetting to brush my teeth.
  • Unable to find the dog brush, even though I thought for certain I put it away in the correct drawer.
  • Walking to the bathroom and forgetting what I needed to do.
  • Losing my phone…then finding I had placed it on the bed.
  • Sitting down and realizing that I need to brush my teeth.
  • Grabbing the lotion instead of the hair gel to put in my hair.
  • Using the conditioner as shampoo.
  • Using the shampoo as conditioner.
  • Unable to focus for even a few minutes.
  • Unable to watch a movie at a Theatre.
  • Forgetting the note on my phone when at the doctor.
  • Unable to find the batteries when staring right at them.
  • Looking for my glasses (when they are on).
  • Using the wrong name for items.
  • Standing at the shower entrance and not knowing what to do next.

Of course, these are just a few of the many frustrating things that we deal with when we have Brain Fog.  I find that the best thing to do is just smile or laugh…then do what you remember you needed to do!

 

The Unseen Hand

IMG_7697The leaves shimmer

Moving up and down

Reflecting the brilliance of the sun…

Suddenly the branches join in

The smallest of movements

Grow into waves…

The hammock begins to sway

Gentle movements encouraged

By the unseen power of the wind…

My mind is drawn to a parallel

Of how our lives are influenced

By an Unseen Hand…

Some welcome the influence

Yearn to draw it closer

To strive to feel the push and pull…

Some are caught off guard

Stretched to the limit

To attempt to believe the unseen…

Still others are like stone

Unable to feel its touch

It goes unheeded as if not there…

The evidence is all around

It is in the smallest grain of sand

To the brightest star in the sky…

We need just close our eyes

And quiet our minds

To feel His presence…

 

The Glistening Ray

Looking out the window

I watch the leaves dance

In the gentle breeze…

Moving to and fro

The shades of color shift

From dark to light and back again…

The sun’s rays make the leaves glow

Reflecting the rays like colored mirrors

The radiance adding depth to the color…

The rays permeate the trees

Cascading through the leaves

To dissipate into the depths…

My eyes are drawn back

To those top most leaves

Dancing with the rays of the sun…

A Father’s Memory

I recently relayed a story to a friend of mine. Immediately following she asked if I had written about it on my blog yet…

A couple of weeks ago I received a phone call from my parents which was earlier than they would normally call.  Of course, I was concerned that something was wrong so instead of answering the phone, “Hi There”….it was more like, “What’s wrong Mom?”.  She quickly reassured me that nothing was wrong.  She said that Dad had something he had to tell me.

With a huge sigh of relief, I waited for my Dad to come on the line.  (Dad, if you are reading this…forgive me for my summarization!)

“Good Morning, Stace! I was reminded of something that was too long to text you about.  It was when we were living in Gladstone; and, you were a toddler.  Every day that I would come home from work, I would poke my head over the fence and hear you squealing…then you would come running, smiling and squealing to me.  That was the best part of my day!”

What a great way to start the day….and what a great memory to hear my Dad share.

The Fatigue of Fibromyalgia

As I have referenced in a prior blog, I recently really overdid it.  It was an innocent mistake that many of us with chronic conditions/illnesses have probably made.  In setting up appointments, I scheduled two appointments on the same day thinking that a combined trip would save energy and time.  I knew it would be more tiring than just one appointment, but it couldn’t be that bad…right???  Well…WRONG!!!!

My first appointment was with the psychologist…an hour long session.  Much needed, as we are working through the frustration and isolation that my conditions cause.  We have been working on some great new tools to add to my arsenal.  I have come to really appreciate this addition to my medical team.

After that, it was time to head to the appointment with my pain specialist.  We had a bit of a wait, which was good as I could tell I was getting a bit tired and needed to gather my second wind.  Once we reviewed the past couple of weeks, the adjustment of my pain pump was complete, and we were headed out of the office to fill a prescription.

While waiting for the prescription, we did a small amount of shopping which included picking up an easy fix for dinner…meat skewers for the grill.  After a short wait it was finally time to head home.

Once home, I could feel my body saying enough…so I did go to bed early so that I could get off my feet.  The next morning was hard to wake up…and yes, I did sleep in.  However, even though my eyes were open, I was still asleep.  It is that deep, heavy fatigue that envelopes the entire body.  I could do nothing but recline in my chair or lie on the couch.

I did muster enough energy to attend a friend’s BBQ for a couple of hours.  I just could not bring myself to disappoint our son…who was looking forward to seeing several of his friends.

The next day of course, was another day of heavy fatigue…just not quite as thick as the day before…but close! My brain was blurry; and, I completely lacked focus.  I was again resting in my recliner, lying on the couch…and went to bed very early as my body was just done.

Finally, awaking on the third day, I am feeling more of “my” normal.  That is if you can use the word “normal” in any type of description of those of us with chronic illnesses/conditions! My energy reserves are still extremely low so today will be a day of rest…reclining in the chair and will include a nap in the early afternoon.  By tomorrow, I might be able to take a shower!

It is hard to describe in words the fatigue that comes with a chronic condition/illness like mine.  A healthy individual will automatically think, “Oh yeah…I know exactly what you mean…like when I have had to work an 18 hour shift.”  Well…you must magnify this by at least 10!  (Yes…probably being quite conservative.)

The “fatigue” that hits us when we overdo…even slightly…completely strips us of the ability to function…it is, as I described, like a thick blanket that tightly wraps around us…all senses are numbed…we see…but we don’t see…we hear…but we don’t hear.  We are unable to form a sentence…it takes all of our effort to just sit in a chair…all that we can truly do is lie in bed and hope that sleep will come…as we melt into the mattress.

No matter how carefully we try…fatigue will hit.  When it does, all we can do is give in and allow our bodies the chance to recuperate and to recharge…read if you can…watch a silly movie. Smile and relax…know that it will pass.

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